Retro Rasslin – WWE Royal Rumble (1996)

I did a recap of the 1999 Royal Rumble a few months ago, and decided to break out another one. I’ll probably do one of these every few months just because it’s a lot of words, but I have fun doing them. I went with the 1996 Rumble because it was 20 years ago (so an anniversary!) and because of the odd collection of wrestlers that actually participated in the Rumble that year. The WWF was in this weird sort of metamorphosis where they weren’t quite in the “Attitude Era” yet, but they were somewhat breaking away from their cartoonish act of the 80s and early 90s that had gotten really played out and set the table for WCW becoming the #1 promotion.

TV-14 for violence, so maybe color? (Ed. note: nope. Just good ol’ fashioned violence)

Open to Sunny in a bathtub warning us that there may be content of a graphic nature. Tammy Sytch would sadly give us that graphic nature 20 years later, and from what I’m to understand – you don’t want it.

Opening package plugs the two title matches – Bret Hart defending the World belt against Undertaker (with creepy bone mask), and Razor Ramon defending the Intercontinental belt against Goldust, who was at the top of his heel game here. Oh, right, and the Rumble too.

WE ARE LIVE TWENTY YEARS AGO from the Selland Arena in Fresno, California where we are joined by tonight’s commentators Vince McMahon and – Mr. Perfect? I forgot Curt wasn’t wrestling at this time, though he’d jump to WCW the following year and start wrestling again.

Match 1: JAY-AY-DOUBLE-EFF JAY-AY-DOUBLE-ARE-EE-DOUBLE-TEE (sans Roadie) vs “SHINY” AHMED BLOWNSPOT Continue reading Retro Rasslin – WWE Royal Rumble (1996)

Ked Woodley Transcript

For some reason (glutton for punishment? I don’t know.) I transcribed the truly bizarre interview Buzz Sports Radio in Raleigh had with Ked Woodley, a Carolina Panthers fan who recorded a rap video called “Dominate The Foe” that has gone viral since its release.

You can hear the interview here, but below is it in all its written glory, as best as I could do (I guessed in a few places, and if you listen, you’ll understand why.)

LAUREN BROWNLOW: We are joined by writer and performer of the song that's sweeping the nation or at least Panthers Nation "Dominate The Foe" - he is Ked Woodley, and Ked, first of all, we have to ask sort of what was the process that went into this song, what inspired you to write it, how long did it take - we have to know everything about this.

KED WOODLEY: It is kind of a confusing story - I hope to do a book, honestly, in the very near future. I'm looking for a ghost writer right now and this is my opportunity to get the word out - I'm looking for the best ghost writer in the world to help me write my up to this point and there's so much paranormal activity goin' on in my life, you know, and I want to thank God #1 and #2 I want to thank God's crystals because the amethyst crystal is my favorite and the streets of gold, you know, in heaven are not the only precious thing, you know, just wanna see around for eternity, you know, it's like the gates of the kingdoms of the heavens...

DEMETRI RAVANOS: Right on, brother.

KED: ...God's kingdom gonna be full of amethyst crystals...

DEMETRI: Mmm hmm.

KED: ...and this... this crystals are like... powerful... they're, you know, they're of God. They're powerful.

DEMETRI: Can I ask you a quick question, Ked? When you say you're looking for the best ghost writer in the world, do you mean someone to write the book and leave their name off, or are you looking to contact an actual ghost?

KED: Uhhhhhh... either one.

DEMETRI: OK, cool.

MIKE MANISCALCO: Are you a little taken back, Ked, with how popular you've gotten recently and the celebrity that you've been hit with trying to get to this and now you're kinda at that mark with the way people have been reaching out wanting to talk to you?

KED: It's starting to make me feel, uh, I'm a big fan of Ozzy Osborne, of Black Sabbath slash Crazy Train slash Ozzy Osborne you know [BLEEP] I'm a big fan of Ozzy Osborne I'm sayin' and um, I'm paranoid like his like #1 song I'm so paranoid now like - going out in public man it's like the crystals are trippin' literally - I got stories about that that's going in the book for real... them crystals are powerful, man. The amethyst I think is the most powerful.

DEMETRI: So give us, give us one of those stories. Where is the weirdest place you've been recognized?

KED: Um... [LONG PAUSE] I mean I've been going to the Sheetz store down, you know, off of 10th Street at the new Walmart, it's the Sheetz that's right in front of Portertown Road and 10th Street, where they meet. I've been going to that Walmart for the last four years and I've been getting some strange looks lately at Walmart and Sheetz and I'm starting to almost be like damn, I mean, I'm going to have to stop going out in public here, pretty soon, I'm afraid to be honest with you because some of the looks I'm getting - people dropping [BLEEP] and their phone bustin' all over the place whether they're looking at me or not looking at me and [BLEEP] like that. Like, paranormal activity goin' on.

MIKE: All right, so I mean is there any pressure now for a followup to "Dominate The Foe", I mean, have you been working on that or are you taking a creative break, Ked? Ked Woodley joining us here on Buzz Sports Radio.

KED: It's a funny question, you know, because - there's this guy, man, um, I can think of probably his first name. He's like for this bar? Sports? Bar pool? Bar sports or something. He's like #1 maybe like sports commentator?

MIKE: Yeah.

KED: ...for this sports bar bar spool or bar sports or something um... damn. I'm kinda blanking out on his name. I apologize to my bruhs(?) cuz I just met the dude. His name is Kaleb. K-A-L-E-B.

LAUREN: Barstool? Is it Barstool Sports?

KED: Yeah. Or it may be C-A-L-E-B. It's one or the other. One or the other. We just did a remix. Uh, I'm sorry. We did a Super Bowl party song together today and videotaped it. I think it was yesterday. I'm sorry.

LAUREN: Oh, awesome!

KED: I am confused, because I haven't been getting very much sleep, like Donald Trump's crazy ass. But hey - don't get me wrong. I'm a big fan of Donald Trump.

MIKE: Of course.

KED: Whoooooo. My big black cat. Whoooooooo.

LAUREN: Speaking of that, I have to ask. How much work did it take you to get that growl and how often have people been asking you to do that for them?

KED: I have lost my voice many times repeating that - trying to copy it as best as I could. And then I, I really almost believe I try to take it to a kind of a whole new level if you can... can I say level without getting on somebody's nerves?

MIKE & LAUREN: Yeah!, absolutely.

KED: I hear level so much until I'm tripping out on level level level level [PAUSE] levellevellevellevellevellevellevellevel [LAUGHTER] I mean I just had to do that cuz I thought it might be funny but I...

MIKE: It is!

DEMETRI: You are correct. We are talking to Ked Woodley...

MIKE: Those crystals are tripping, I'm serious man.

KED: Oh. Oh. You gotta hear this. You gotta hear this.

DEMETRI: Please.

KED: The crystals are [rolls tongue] trrrrrrrrrripping.

LAUREN: Oh! I like that.

DEMETRI: Strong. We are talking to Ked Woodley...

KED: aye...

DEMETRI: ...the creative genius...

KED: hey

DEMETRI: ...behind "Dominate The Foe", listen, Ked, before I let you go...

KED: HEY. You gotta... you gotta check out my Krazy Ked videos. Krazy Ked spelled with a "K" instead of a "C". It's Krazy Ked - K-R-A-Z-Y. I've got some videos that's been out there for several years that anybody that loves my "Dominate The Foe" rap song would love to see me trip the [BLEEP] out whether I'm like doin' a Panther growl or acting like a pissed off Panther fan that's on crack or bath salts...


KED:, PCP, heroin...

MIKE: Sure, all of them. Good times.

KED: ...did I name them all? I'm tryin'. [BLEEP].

DEMETRI: All right - Ken Woodley...

KED: I'm sorry - HEY, hey, y'all gonna bleep that out, aren't you?

MIKE: Yes. Yes we are.

DEMETRI: No problem. Listen.

KED: Oh. All right. OK. I'm sorry.

DEMETRI: Ked, before I let you go, I want to play a quick game with you, of "Wack or Fly?" where, because you are - I would say one of the best rappers North Carolina has ever known. I'm going to give you an artist...

KED: I appreciate it. I just uh... I started my rap game probably, roughly, I don't know man, five years ago maybe, or six or seven - I started my rap game - I started on a WWE rap song that I've almost finished, man. And I'm going to get probably some local talent like this dude, Kaleb, you know, the sports broadcaster, that he's like big around the South and he's saying they get something like 300 million views, in like every month...

DEMETRI: That's a lot of views.

KED: ...and they're gonna help my views...

MIKE: Oh God yes.

KED: ...because this guy, I helped him do this video, of me and him doin' another Super Bowl, you know, hype rap song, for the Carolina Panthers and [BLEEP] and I'm so happy about it, you know, like, words can't describe.

DEMETRI: Well very cool, all right, so I'm going to name rappers, and you simply tell me are they wack or are they fly. Ready?

KED: All right.

DEMETRI: All right. #1: Run-DMC.

KED: Fly.

DEMETRI: #2: Limp Bizkit.

KED: Fly.

DEMETRI: #3: Kanye West.

KED: Fly.

DEMETRI: #4: Wiz Khalifa

KED: Fly.

DEMETRI: You gotta pick one Kanye or Wiz. Which one is wack, which one is fly?

KED: All right, um, Kanye West is wack, and Wiz is, is fly.

DEMETRI: OK. Kid Rock.

KED: Um, fly.

DEMETRI: Lynyrd Skynyrd.

KED: He's... he's very fly. I'm a tribute singer too, like Ronnie Van Zant. I'm a tribute singer of Lynyrd Skynyrd, to be honest with you.

DEMETRI: What's the name of your Skynyrd tribute band?

KED: Um, I was gonna name it Freebird.

ALL: Yeah, that's a good one.

KED: It's already been taken, but we can reword it and like [BLEEP] it.

DEMETRI: Yeah, I hear ya.

MIKE: All the way.

DEMETRI: Last one, this is the one I want...

KED: Re-letter it. I meant like re-letter it.

ALL: Right.

MIKE: Oh, yeah yeah yeah.

DEMETRI: This is the one I really need to know about, and this is the one I think most people will judge you on. Macklemore. Wack or fly.

KED: Say who what? Mack-Le-More?

DEMETRI: Macklemore. Is he wack or is he fly?

KED: I don't know who he is.

LAUREN: Great answer. [applause]

DEMETRI: Ked Woodley everybody. All right Ked, where can people get your music, and see the video if they want to?

KED: It *is* all over the Internet, and I'm happy with all the fans who all is diggin' it, I mean, I'm a fan of Petey Pablo, I really am, and I would do a song with Petey Pablo, I helped him do his songs, I'd appreciate his help doing my songs, and, I mean, it's all good in the hood... bro.

LAUREN: Absolutely.

DEMETRI: I'm glad you specified in the hood is where it's all good. Ked Woodley, everybody, Ked - thank you so much. 

KED: All right, all right, yeah, you're welcome.

Make it cheaper

OK – I had a post a while back where I was going to explain how I lowered prices/got deals on various “optional” services – stuff like TV, Internet, phone – that type of thing. I wrote the first one (Internet) and kinda never got around to writing the rest because, well, it was half bragging and mostly boring. It’s something that could be easily written up in a sentence:

“Threaten to cancel.”

But it’s not as easy as that. You’ve got to do a little legwork first, and there is a little risk involved.

  • Do your research

You’re threatening to cancel, right? Why? If you’re threatening to cancel your TV service, you can get away (nowadays) with “I’m cutting the cord”, but if you’re threatening to cancel your Internet, you’re probably threatening to go to another provider – if you say you’re going “off the grid”, they’re just going to assume you’re nuts and moving to Wyoming to make pipe bombs or something, so they’ll let you leave all nice-like. Do the research. Look for emails or promotions from competitors. If you have cable Internet, look at DSL. Cable television? Look at satellite. Continue reading Make it cheaper

Retro Rasslin – WWE Royal Rumble (1999)

If you know me, you know I like wrestling, and I miss recapping shows like I used to do for Pop Bunker (R.I.P.), and with the recent availability of just about every major piece of pro wrestling video now available on demand via the WWE Network, I keep feeling the need to recap a show from years ago. Today, I’m going to see how far I can get with the 1999 Royal Rumble.

The Rumble has always been one of my favorite PPVs, with just a jumbled mess of a main event that ends up seeing one-shot gimmicks, thought to be retired wrestlers, and shocking debuts along with a card that otherwise is pretty decent most years. I’ve pretty much forgotten anything about this card (outside of the fact that it’s during the WWE “Attitude Era”), so I’ll write as I watch, with recollection and surprise coming through.

Recap package leading in was of the Steve Austin/Vince McMahon feud which was nuclear hot at the time. McMahon screws over Austin by making him #1 in the Rumble, and Shawn Michaels returns the screwjob by drawing #2 for McMahon, meaning we’re going to open the Rumble match with Austin/McMahon. That’s it – that’s all the background. The subtitle for the Rumble is “No Chance In Hell”, so Vince’s theme has been playing in the background through the whole opening package.

WE ARE NOT VERY LIVE AT ALL FROM THE ARROWHEAD POND IN ANAHEIM AND BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM cripes those damn fireworks. I used to go to a decent amount of WWE tapings during this time and the fireworks never failed to be INCREDIBLY LOUD. Fireworks should not be shot off indoors. Tonight’s Rumble is being brought to you by 10-10-220, which was something you’d dial for collect calls or cheap long distance and I’ve already lost anyone under the age of 25. Your announcers are Michael Cole and Jerry “The King” Lawler. Continue reading Retro Rasslin – WWE Royal Rumble (1999)

Blogging and Responsibility

I’ve been blogging off and on for over ten years now. I’ve never been able to make a living off of writing, but I have – on rare occasions – gotten some form of compensation for it. It hasn’t always been actual money; I’ve written for free swag, webspace, and beer, among other things. This shouldn’t be surprising for someone who signed up for three-and-a-half years to potentially enter burning buildings in exchange for “free t-shirts and beer.” But 99% of my writing/blogging has been for no compensation outside of the thrill of seeing my name online and hearing someone say that they read my post and that I got a handful of hits on the website.

Anyway, I’ve kind of talked about this in the past when I rambled about Puck Daddy, but that post was about visibility and opportunity. Today’s rambling is about responsibility.

SBNation is a network of about 40 bazillion individual sports blog websites, kind of united under one banner. Every team has a website, as does every sport, with SBNation kind of operating as a grand overseer, promoting the best posts of its individual websites (one of which I’m very fond of) on its central SBNation website. Most (if not all) of these websites existed before SBNation came along and SBNation-alized them, so content and editorial quality can vary greatly.

Which brings us to today. Continue reading Blogging and Responsibility

Today’s Internet Lesson: The Rub

Monday, Yahoo’s Puck Daddy blog posted its latest 1 in their “Summer of Disappointment” series, where fans of each team write up a post going over the most disappointing aspects of their beloved team – seasons, coaches, uniform choices – that type of thing. Greg Wyshynski, editor and founder of Puck Daddy sent out a request on Twitter to get someone from each team for a then-unnamed project.

I didn’t apply, mainly because there were two guys who were better suited for the project than I was, and they run a certain website. And, well, they were interested:

So that was that. I really expected the boys to get the gig, whatever it was. So when we got the Carolina Hurricanes “Summer of Disappointment” post, I realized 1) that was the “project”, and 2) 328 wasn’t doing it, otherwise we would have heard about it already. I read it anyway, because things like this are always good for discussion, and during the offseason, any Canes article is a good article, right?

Right?2 Continue reading Today’s Internet Lesson: The Rub

Bobby Flay – Embracing Celebrity Cooking’s Biggest Heel

There was a time I really didn’t like Bobby Flay.

I was an Iron Chef fan – the original series, with the dubbed voiceovers and the subtitles and the fortune teller judges and the endless supply of bonito flakes and daikon radish. It was fascinating to me (and lots of others, hence Food Network still being a channel and Iron Chef America has been running for 11 seasons and 205 episodes) and it became an 11PM ritual. It was interesting to see non-Asian chefs on the show, especially with the occasional American. Flay was one of those Americans, challenging Chef Morimoto in a battle in New York City at Webster Hall. The two had a hard, evenly fought battle, then, well, this…

It wasn’t so much the cutting board thing – I mean, who’d know that? – as much as it was Continue reading Bobby Flay – Embracing Celebrity Cooking’s Biggest Heel

Battling for better bills – Part 1

I think I’ve always been cheap. My wife and I have joked that we’d be those rich people that everyone hates, still using coupons and shopping at Goodwill. This is just something that we’re used to, and it makes you feel better to not only save money, but to “get that bargain” and feel like – in the battle of consumer v. merchant – you’ve won a round. You know that you’re probably paying way more than you should for some things with markups and margins and all that, so any opportunity to “stick it to the man” gives you a little bit of a rush.

I mentioned coupons before, and food shopping is one of the easier places to “save money”, whether it be by using coupons, buying store brands, taking advantage of sales, buying in bulk, or various other methods of saving. If you’re lucky enough to live in a major residential area like I do, you have stores competing to get your business, which leads to big savings. Within a few miles from my house, we have three supermarket chains, a Target, and a Walmart, all competing for my dollar.

That’s all well and good, but what about utilities? Most utilities don’t have competition (how many electric companies do you have?) but some do, namely television, phone, and internet. Often, this unholy trinity of “luxury utilities” gets bundled together for “one low price”, but like any “bundle” or “combo”, you have to look carefully to see whether or not you’re really saving anything, or if it’s worth the hassle. Personally, I prefer to have everything separate; that way, if you have an issue with one service, you’re not obligated to stay just because that same company has your other services, and you don’t run the risk of breaking a contract (which generally any “bundle package” entails.)

So let’s attack these three one by one. Continue reading Battling for better bills – Part 1

Est. 2000, which is like 1947 in Internet years.