The Buhner.com Blog

It’s now 12:56 PM (EST), and my wife mentioned to me how the grass at the cematary needs to be cut, which of course makes me feel like complete shit.

Not because of the grass, per ce - I don’t maintain the place. More because it’s the 7th anniversary of the day I lost my dad, and I completely forgot.

I don’t know if this is necessarily a “good” thing - it’s not like I forgot the guy in general - not a day goes past that he’s not in my thoughts somehow - but it’s not stopping me from feeling like complete shit.

I know the whole death thing is purely symbolic and ritualistic - we bury the dead into the ground, we note the exact day that they were born and died, me mark the area they occupied, and we’re expected to visit that space in order to pay respects to said person. I’m not a big believer in all that, despite the fact that I’ve always been a fan of symbolism, and I rarely visit my father’s gravesite. Again, it’s not because I don’t love the man, but just because I don’t really see the purpose.

I think I’d be a lot better with my dad’s death (and said anniversaries) if it weren’t for my son. I can deal with the fact that my wife didn’t get to meet my dad, but my dad had no chance to ever see his only grandchild, a kid he would have spoiled to death and treated like a prince. This isn’t something I assume - it’s something I safely know.

Of course, to further drive me to the edge of insanity (unintentionally), my wife posts this picture to me as she’s IMing me:

That friggin’ killed me. I’m seriously considering leaving work early today just so I can crawl into a little ball. I sure as hell shouldn’t be taking tech calls today.

Anyway, thought I’d share!