Buhner Dot Com Est. 2000, which is like 1947 in Internet years.

Filth Flarn Filth (*tongue-in-cheek warning*)

Two years ago I wrote a post about the "wholesome" Christmas song I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus, revealing it for what it was - a deeply disturbing song about infidelity.

After careful consideration, I've discovered it's not the worst Christmas song out there. That would be the classic Baby, It's Cold Outside. Not technically a "Christmas" song - Baby's premise is simple - a male/female duet with the male trying to convince the female to stay longer at his place of residence. Originally recorded by Margaret Whiting & Johnny Mercer back in 1949 for the movie "Neptune's Daughter", it's one of those songs that no one actually knows the lyrics to, but the title is often quoted as a part of popular culture.

In the song, the woman is trying to leave, but the man insists that she stay longer because of the (apparently) frigid conditions outside. While the woman seems to think that he only means for a short period of time, the man's "reasoning" is flawed - the temperature isn't going to get any warmer as the night progresses. The man knows this though. He wants her to spend the night, and potentially much more.

Not only that, but he's slowly liquoring her up. "Well maybe just a half a drink more" she relents as he says "put some music on while I pour." However, just a few lines later, she asks "say, what's in this drink?" Just alcohol? Or maybe something more? She later goes on to imply that she can't resist his advances, especially after taking the drink. "I wish I knew how/To break this spell/I ought to say no, no, no, sir/At least I'm gonna say that I tried." From that last line, we can see that she's giving in, despite constant resistance, and possibly under chemical influence.

A bit progressive for 1949, eh?

Damn the LazyTown.

So Fisher-Price has these cool LazyTown figures, exclusively at KMart. You know, since you need a reason nowadays to go to KMart. Well, the figures are exclusive, so they're hard to find, and they never showed up in the KMart in Bridgehampton. Unhappy coincidence, I thought, and we treked to a few other KMarts on the Island (there aren't that many) to see if we can find them. To our dismay, we found the dressup outfits and the lameass sampler DVD (we watch the show - we don't need your stinkin' DVD), but no figures.

Finally, I hit eBay after Tara talks to a few of her friends outside of this area to see if they saw any (no luck there either) and sure enough, these things (which Nick.com is retailing for $12.99) are going for $35+. It doesn't necessarily mean this is what they're going for (the initial wave of eBay post Thanksgiving is the strongest) or that there won't be more in the future (Nick doesn't seem to be great with their marketing or know their audience), but right now, these things are gold.

It's just a little disappointing, since I know Cole would really love these things (especially a Sportacus one), and at this rate, Santa ain't bringing him one. I guess I'm getting prepared for the Christmases of the future with kids.

post-Thanksgiving post

Well, turkey day is over, and we're back to work again. I woke up early yesterday morning to drive out to East Meadow so that we could get there early enough to watch the Thanksgiving Day parade. Cole didn't get to bed the night before until like 11:30, then woke up a few times during the night, so my ass was dragging.

My in-laws got new carpet, and the house looks very nice with it (such an improvement just carpet makes, it's amazing), but in putting in the carpet, the TV in the living room was gone. I'm not sure if it's a permanent thing or no one had gotten around to moving it back, but it just left the day lacking. I mean, it's Thanksgiving - the holiday where you watch TV in the morning to watch parades, eat dinner at lunchtime, then watch TV in the afternoon to watch football teams you'd never want to watch on a regular Sunday (oooh, the Lions!)

So I spent the day waiting for food (abnormally sticking my nose in the kitchen and actually taking an interest in the food being prepared) and hooking up the family computer so I could find out proper cooking time for cauliflower (which I somehow didn't know from memory, revoking my "raised in a farming community" license).

My kid got clocked in the head because his cousin was running around and smacked into him. Again. Just like every time we go there. Be careful around an 18 month old? Unthinkable!

But the food was good. Real good. There's usually a 3/10 chance that I'll actually like turkey, and this one hit that 3 (and there was damn good gravy backing it up anyway, just in case). I loaded myself with two big ol' servings and promptly passed out soon after eating (I told you I was tired).

No leftovers though - the disadvantage of going somewhere else for Thanksgiving. Oh well.

Newsday

A little over two years ago, I joined the Bridgehampton Fire Department. It's a volunteer organization, and even on that level, it can be interesting the things you hear from people. One friend of the family, upon hearing that I had become a firefighter, said it was cool that I had joined the FDNY. Upon hearing that I was instead a volunteer, she stated "oh, I thought he was a real fireman."

Very nice.

I had always heard about some of the positive "perks" that one supposedly got from being a fireman out here. Especially after 9/11, firemen were also supposedly held on a pedestal and got a little extra respect - I'm not sure what that would get someone (the special "firemen only" seating at restaurants maybe?), but whatever. I joined because I felt I had some obligation, because I actually knew people in the company (when I was 18 and my dad originally wanted me to join, everyone in the company seemed old and my dad's friends - who the hell would I know there?), and because there was the family history. My dad was a fireman, as was his father before him. Why not, right?

I will now officially run down the "perks" I've run into as a fireman. I have:

I am living in the lap of luxury, I tell you. Probably the largest expenditure that I've "caused" the BHFD was my turnout gear - being an interior fireman (read: dumbass who runs into the fire), I'm required to have turnout gear that actually was made within the last 10 years or so. The gear I received as a probational firefighter going through training was from the mid 70s. Turnout gear can run into the thousands, partially because of the whole Kevlar/fireproof/whatever that it's made out of, and partially because it's fire equipment, and anything that's fire equipment suddenly jumps in price by 3x.

Of course, if you read Newsday, I'm sure you have a different opinion of that. Newsday (the Long Island daily newspaper, for you out-of-Islanders) did an 8 part series on the volunteer fire services out here in what we'll call a "slightly impartial" view. Now, I'll admit that my courses in journalism were few and far between, but one of the things that was pounded into our heads was to never take a side in the story you're reporting. Do your best to get information from both sides, and leave it to the the readers to decide. Your job is to inform, not to tell people how to think.

That wasn't necessarily the case here. Newsday seemed more pleased to take a few examples of what it saw as gross expenditure (which I wouldn't necessarily disagree with), blanketed them across the entire volunteer firefighting system on Long Island (the common "it's happening here, it could be happening to YOU too!" that television news is so fond of), made the implication that any money you donated to your local fire department isn't needed, since tax money received by the district is more than enough to buy what the fire department needs, and painted firemen as being part of a "good ol' boys" system where perks are endless.

They counteracted this by throwing in the occasional "firefighters are heroes"profiles, therefore implying that since they're telling both good and bad things in their series, that it must be impartial.

Look - it's not like I don't think the system is flawed in a lot of areas. Spending goes through a board of fire commissioners, which are generally made up of former and current firemen. Obviously there's a conflict of interest here in a lot of situations. You wouldn't have the school board of your local school district be comprised of teachers. However, while local schools publicize school board elections, local fire districts don't. While I know why they wouldn't, I don't know why say the local media would publicize it, just like they do with local elections. Trust me - I know people in our own fire department who aren't exactly crazy about some commissioners, but you're limited with your options.

But while I think there needs to be some change, I also think painting every volunteer fire department as some sort of money hole is irresponsible. Newsday basically came out and said that money you donate to the fire department isn't used for anything positive. Quoting:

Fund-drive money is spent mostly on social and fringe benefits for volunteers, including tropical vacations, parties, takeout for department meetings, sports teams, beer, and extra insurance and death benefits, department records show. In rare instances, it has even gone to campaign contributions and, some volunteers say, strippers. At least some of these expenditures may violate the federal tax code, an Internal Revenue Service spokesman said.

Property taxes cover all spending that is directly related to firefighting, including the cost of equipping and training volunteers and feeding them at emergencies and at annual banquets.

I've watched what a lot of our money goes to - Bridgehampton's fire department is a federally recognized 501(3)(c) not-for-profit organization. I've sat through department meetings where money is sent to this local charity or that local charity for their fundraisers. Does some of this money go toward trips and non-fire related things? Sure - but no trip I've ever seen with the fire department has been for "free", outside of a small trip here or there (such as a trip to a baseball game or last year's trip to Foxwoods on the ferry). Free cruises and trips to the Bahamas? Must be nice - I'd love to see those.

I guess some good might come out of this, though. Maybe the exaggeration of all the "perks" that firemen get will get more volunteers into the service. Of course, once they find out there's not really a paid vacation to Antigua every three months, we might see a mass exodus.

15 Minutes

So I've got a MySpace page. No big deal - it's mainly to throw something out there and keep in touch with people I haven't seen in a while. Being out of high school though is a negative - it seems 96% of people on MySpace are between 14-21.

Anyway, as I mentioned before, I looked for a few people, put a few pics up, and put people I knew in my friends list. As of 24 hours ago, I had like 11 friends, 5 messages, and about 30 profile views. This was how it had been for a few days now (I've had the profile up for about a week.)

I finished up the Eddy post on here, and sent a link to it to one of my friends from high school (who's on MySpace), and she writes me back to ask if she can bulletin it out. That's fine with me - more readers here the better.

I check my email in the afternoon, and I've got a friend request. I don't recognise the guy, but I assume he somehow knows me, since he asked to be added. I don't publicize my page. I read his profile, and it still doesn't ring a bell, but I notice he's an EMT. Shrug.

Then all hell broke loose.

I notice that my profile hits have jumped to three digits. I've got a few more messages. I'm starting to get several friend requests. This is around 3:45 or so. I'm trying to figure out where the people are coming from - they couldn't have all come from Leah's announcement of my blog, could they?

As it turns out, no (but thanks for the plug, Leah). By about 4:30, I had sent a message to one of the people who had written me about how she had found me, and I sent an IM to my wife about how weird it was - at the exact same time, she had IMed me to tell me someone had seen me in the "Cool New People" on MySpace. Basically, people who were going to the main page were seeing my profile (randomly - I never saw it live) when they logged in. Proof is here.

By 5:40 PM (about 2 hours after I'm guessing this started), I had 36 new messages and 87 new friend requests. My profile views went from 30 to 1,803.

By 8:10 PM, 60 new messages, 198 new friend requests, and 3,991 profile views.

Right now (and I'm pretty sure I'm out of the rotation now), 4,676 profile views, 235 friend requests, and something like 70 messages, which leaves me with a bit of a dilemma - who the hell do I accept as a friend? I can't accept everyone - I don't want people I'm close with to get lost in the mix. But at the same time, I don't want to just cast aside people who seemed nice enough and wanted to add me.

Now I'm not up on the whole MySpace thing. There might be people who just want to have the highest number of friends, so they just randomly shoot invites to people. How do I tell those from the people who are vaguely interested?

I've still got 209 people in the queue of friend requests, and that's not counting the people who sent me messages but didn't send official friend requests. I've only rejected two people, and that was because one had a naked picture in "her" profile, and the other was a wannabe Paris Hilton-type who was from Guam (sorry Jax - I should have saved her for you).

I'm probably going to accept most firefighter/EMS types, mainly because whether you get along with them or not, it's always cool to have connections to fire departments everywhere to hear about other experiences and maybe trade patches. The couple of 14 year olds I've gotten I'm probably going to reject - that's just a little weird (no offense to those who sent invites).

Guys who sent me messages calling me a fag? Thanks. You've been reported.

The people who sent me messages thanking me for being a firefighter? Thanks - especially after getting portrayed as an overspending drain on the community with a country club firehouse, galavanting to vacations at $500 a night hotels. I must have missed that vacation invite when I was trying to find money in our budget to buy $9 t-shirts. THANKS NEWSDAY.

Anyway, if you've sent me a friend request or a message and I haven't responded, feel free to send me another one - you might have gotten lost in the mix and I'll be happy to add you if you really want to be added.

Ugh - that fire thing in Newsday is still bothering me. More content for later, I guess.

The Florida Series 2: Epcot

Trying to get back to this now - the Eddy Guerrero post reminded me I just cast this aside.

Monday led us to Epcot for no particular reason except that I had never been there and it seemed like the place to go. We weren't able to score tickets to the Disney Halloween party (who knew Disney would sell out?), so we figured it'd be best to stay away from the Magic Kingdom on Halloween (little ones everywhere) and focus on another park.

Epcot's a little less "kid friendly" than Magic Kingdom, with a leaning towards educational fun, which is kind of a misnomer. One of the main things we were shooting for here was the interactive "Turtle Talk with Crush", a new exhibit based on Finding Nemo, which Cole loves. Naturally, this was closed for renovation, despite being plugged endlessly on the website. We figured it was until the end of October - we'd later learn that it was closed all of November too. However, if you go to the Disney site right now, you'll see it prominately displayed on the main Epcot page.

Now, with a 17 month old, our ride options are limited. Obviously, he can't go on anything with a height requirement (although we'd later learn that he was call enough for one ride), and we weren't sure how he'd react to things that might be scary or dark. And, of course, when you're on a ride, you're stuck there until it's done, so if he's in terror at the beginning of the ride, he'll be like that the whole time.

We hit the "Journey Into Imagination With Figment" ride, thinking it would be relatively safe with a cartoon, and we could sit the boy on our lap. Plus - no line. I'd hate to spend a half hour on line to get to something that he freaks out on 2 seconds in. Anyway, Figment was our test case, and it worked. Outside of a time near the end where a loud gust of air hits you (which, admittedly, comes out of nowhere and causes quite a few adults to jump), he was fine, and even with that air gust he just jumped a little and kept looking. The experience was pretty new, and he seemed fascinated by everything. More importantly, he seemed to be comfortable as long as he was on my lap and I was holding him. With Tara he was less comfortable, but for some reason he looked at me as being more secure, which was fine with me.

We were also under a time limit as well. Cole generally takes his nap around 1 or 2 PM, so the thought was to bring the boy home around 2 so he could get his nap, and then potentially come back in the evening and hit whatever we wanted to hit then. We'd never end up going back in the evening, but that's just how things worked out.

One of the main things that we ran into at Epcot were their International Pavilions. Disney was having it's International Food & Wine Festival during this time, so every country had a food shack that was offering "traditional" local fare and alcohol - the rallying cry of parents at Disney, since Epcot (and Pleasure Island) are the only places in Disney where alcohol is served. Most places offered a few wines (which I'm not crazy about) and a beer associated with the region. For many places, this beer was disappointing, since it was a common import in most places (Lowenbrau in Germany, Bass in England, Labatts in Canada, etc). Occasionally you ran into something different though (a lemon lager at the Puerto Rico stand was actually very lemony, and quite refreshing), and the snacks weren't full size dishes, encouraging you try out several, buffet-style (I only hit Japan to drop $3.25 on half a roll of spicy tuna, which was ordinary.)

The shops would have been interesting if I were a shopper - offering various objects from their native lands, if you like ethnic nicknacks, this was the place for you. While some, again, were uninspired (wow, steins in Germany?), some seemed very intreesting and thought out, like the Australia booth having a live woodworker who was carving sculptures for people to buy.

I, of course, got sucked into the Japan shop, and ended up buying a crapload (for me, at least) of Japanese snack food. They ranged from gummies I had gotten at J-List previously to odd crackers which offered no insight to what they were made of or what they might taste like (they were hard and tasted sweet, yet still tasted like something you would have gotten from a Chinese takeout place - perhaps fried in sesame oil?), to sour lemon candies that would make Atomic Warheads their bitch. No Pocky though (it just seems almost too "common"), and they wanted like $3 for a bottle of ramune, which is a bit much for 8oz of soda and a fun bottle to play with.

We ended up going twice to Epcot - Monday and Friday (the latter with my mom and Jimmy). We hit Figment a second time (with an annoyance I'll address in a future post) and took a ride on some ride in the Mexico exhibit, which was boring as anything. We also hit "Living with the Land", which was interesting from a geek standpoint (Disney's developing new ways to farm with no soil and other innovations), and Spaceship Earth, which is basically the ride inside of Epcot's big silver golf ball.

Overall? Mildly interesting, nothing earthshattering, and if it weren't for Japanese snack food, mediocre. Maybe in the future when we can hit Mission: SPACE and Test Track it'll be a little more fun.

Up next: Disney-MGM Studios.