The Buhner.com Blog

When you think of candy, one of the first kinds that comes to people’s thoughts are Life Savers.  Sure, it might not be everyone’s favorite candy, but few people would refuse an extra roll of Life Savers if someone was offering.  So one would think that it’d be pretty easy to buy a roll of these fine candies, especially when surrounded by commerce as I am here at my new job.

You’d think wrong.

The lunch hour can get pretty busy with traffic, so I left a little before 12 to tackle my mission - one roll of five flavor Life Savers.  The “roll” aspect was important - my wife needed the roll in order to measure and set up one of the favors that she was designing for her business.  Still not being an expert on the area, I went straight across the street to one of the local shopping centers.  My first thought was BJ’s - a warehouse store would surely have them, but I wasn’t 100% sure if we needed a metric ton of them.  But I figured it was worth a shot, until I realized that I didn’t have my membership card with me.  I could stand in line and have them take a picture and make a new card, but I figured there were plenty of other options, so I left as soon as I parked and searched for a new destination.

STORE #1: WORLD IMPORTS

Perhaps a little bit of a stretch, it was the next closest store and one I enjoy browsing in.  I know they had lots of food and candies from around the world, but I wasn’t guaranteed of picking up any American ones.  Sure enough, after a little searching, I determined that the Life Savers were a lost cause; however all was not lost, as I picked up some wasabi-dusted shrimp-flavored “chips” (more like curls), a bag of summer picnic BBQ kettle corn, and two bags of Japanese gummis that I used to get from J-List (one muscat, one peach) which intrigued the woman behind me in line so much that she chatted me up for a little while.

So World Imports was a miss, but at least I got some snacks.  These would come in handy later on.  I scanned for a grocery store but there wasn’t one in the complex, so I looked around for other options.  I saw an OfficeMax in another shopping complex, and knowing that there is always a snack section by the registers there, I started off that way.  Before I hit the OfficeMax, I was the glowing bullseye and figured that they’d have to have what I was looking for - they had everything else.

STORE #2: TARGET

I walked into Target slightly guilty - it’s my oldest son’s favorite store, so I went straight to the registers and looked, finding almost every kind of handheld candy imaginable - except Life Savers.  Breath mints, energy candy, gums, chocolate, but no Life Savers.  I went to the candy section, thinking I could buy one of those 5 packs of rolls there, and I got the closest I had gotten yet - Life Savers, 5 flavor variety, in a bag.  I had seen the peppermint ones before; individually wrapped Life Savers that you can put in a candy dish or something to share with others.  Rolls aren’t like that.  They’re yours, usually stuck together, with a little lint on them from being in your pocket.  It’s like the Wrigley company (who currently makes Life Savers) wants you to share your purchase with everyone.  Screw you Wrigley, I paid for them, I’ll determine if I want to share them or not.  No wonder his team threw the World Series.

So a little shaken from what I thought would be a no-brainer, I ventured across the parking lot to my original reason for coming over to this area.

STORE #3: OFFICEMAX

Office supply stores, at least the chains, always seem kind of empty and heartless.  Huge, warehouse-style buildings with big, huge aisles spread out to look like the biggest supply closet in the world.  This one was no different, but I didn’t wander in too far, just going to the registers and a small area near it where there was a larger candy selection.  No luck there either, so I got out of there before I was tempted to buy a dry-erase board or something.

By now, something I thought would take 5 minutes had eaten most of my lunch break.  I had opened the kettle corn already and almost finished the entire bag (small bag, chill out), and had a taste of the peach gummies and the shrimp crackers (that’s a burp I’m not looking forward to).  I was running out of ideas, I wasn’t going to be able to get lunch, and for an added challenge, I had no cash.  Needing one last good shot, I considered a dollar store, but seeing too much risk, ventured to its neighbor, which I thought would HAVE to have what I was looking for.

STORE #4: SHELL GAS STATION

Since there’s no such thing as a 7-11 in North Carolina, I crossed my fingers had hoped the only gas station in sight would have a halfway decent convienence store and an ATM.  After all, buying one roll of Life Savers with a debit card is a little… I don’t know.

Sure enough, I found them - a box of five flavor Life Savers, next to boxes of other kinds of Life Savers, mostly mint flavored.  I grabbed one, and looked for the ATM.  None.  Guh.  I didn’t have time to look anywhere else, and I had them in hand, so I looked around for other stuff to buy to at least get my total over $1.  Little Debbie helped me out with a package of Nutty Bars and a Star Crunch, something I tried to remember why I liked because as a chocolate-based cake, it’s not something I would have seeked out originally.  Totaling a little over $2, I pulled out the debit card and they dealt with it.  I figure that it’s a gas station, pretty much everyone there uses a credit card for their purchases.

So that’s it - 4 stores (6 if you count the two aborted stops), 45 minutes, and a lunch of popcorn and snack cakes, but I succeeded.  It sits on my keyboard right now, a trophy of accomplishment.