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This Things I Believe

I intentionally stay away from religious discussion because I know my limitations. I know that I'm pretty pig-headed when it comes to my beliefs. I know I can be condescending when someone tries to argue a point that I feel is wrong. And I know I get prejudicially condescending when dealing with certain types of people. Aspies can be like that, and I think I feel it's a little to my credit that over time I've learned to back off from potential arguments and conflicts in conversations I'm passionate about, and knowing what others to avoid completely.

Religion is one of those topics. But it's one that I'm going to talk about because it has decided to greatly affect my family, and since few (if any) people read this blog, it's probably a place I can vent without getting into a confrontation.

This summer, we made the decision to pull my middle son out of the preschool he was in. Cost and location were two of the main reasons for pulling him out, and it was disappointing since the school was otherwise good and my son had friends there. We were not alone in pulling our kids out of the school either, so the "friends" thing might have been a moot point anyway. In searching for a new preschool, we knew we would have some difficulty since we had trouble finding preschools that were accepting new applicants when we originally looked after moving down here four years ago, and those that were accepting applicants were usually way out of our price range. My wife's hope was that she could work at one of the preschools; she hoped her past experience working with children (including working as a nanny for a boy with severe Asperger's) plus a college degree could get her a teacher's assistant role, which could cover the tuition for both the middle boy and our youngest, who turned two in February.

My wife heard from one preschool run by a church (as many of them are here in NC, at least in this area) who was willing to give her an interview. Post-interview, my wife wasn't optimistic about getting hired because the woman who ran the preschool (who interviewed her) seemed to be leaning against hiring people who had kids in the school. Understandable, but my wife took it hard because she felt that was her only shot at getting a job at a preschool and supporting sending the kids there. She wants to work and help out with finances any way she can, but the cost of putting the kids (even just one at this point) in daycare eliminates any potential benefit that working would bring.

Three weeks ago, my wife gets a call from the preschool. They've hired her as a teacher's assistant. Needless to say, my wife is ecstatic. The money, while not much, is enough to pay for the kids to go to preschool with a little bit left over, plus gives my wife a boost of confidence and gets her job history going again. She's happy, I'm happy, and really it's a win-win for everyone involved. The kids get preschool, my wife is working, I have one less thing to worry about financially, the preschool gets a hard worker who cares... what could go wrong?

My wife's first day of work would have been today. I say "would have" because she received a call yesterday afternoon from the woman who runs the preschool telling her that she was no longer working for the preschool. My wife was heartbroken, and still hasn't really talked about it, and I'm not sure when she'll be able to. I was able to find out the reasoning.

When my wife filled out paperwork for the church before or after being hired (I don't remember which - I believe after), there were the normal types of questions regarding emergency contacts and other things you'd expect to see on post-hire paperwork. Included with those questions were questions regarding my wife's faith and the faith of our family. Not simple questions like what religion you are or what church you go to, but deeper questions about spirituality and things like that. Some time between her initial interview and now, my wife let them know that we weren't members of a church, and that we weren't actively looking to join one at that time.

This is something that is apparently a valid reason for termination. Because we WEREN'T ACTIVELY LOOKING TO JOIN A CHURCH.

This bothers me on so many levels. Outside of the legality of the whole thing, the fact that your beliefs are such that you'd terminate someone from a job - sight unseen - solely because they don't actively visit a church is absurd. A church is a building where stories are told, ceremonies are performed, friendships are formed, and communities come together. This is the case whether call the building a church, cathedral, mosque, shrine, parish, synagogue, temple, or something else. Membership in a church isn't required; if you wish to go, you go. Go every Sunday, go during the week, go only on holidays - it doesn't matter. If you welcomed the church, the church welcomed you. This was what I was lead to understand, having gone though years of Sunday School and listening to numerous pastors over time. Maybe it's because I was raised Presbyterian; perhaps other religions are different. This does not sound like a place that would pass judgement on someone without speaking with them. I could understand if you weren't welcome in churches because of prior actions, but because you're not currently a member of one? Really?

I mean after all - aren't churches always looking for new members? It's not a limited, exclusive group or anything. If I'm a church pastor seeing someone come to work for us who isn't a member of a church, I'm thinking to myself "here's an opportunity to sell my church, for someone to see the best we have to offer and want to become part of it." Maybe it's because I'm from New York, and churches there were losing popularity. Maybe it's different in the South. I don't know - I think in that situation, even if I'm that gung-ho into my employees' religious beliefs, I'm saying "hey - just so you know, we feel that all of our employees should be active members of our church. Won't you join us?" instead of "go die in a fire." I may not be cut out to teach the word of God.

I can understand the perspective of a church-based school being leery of hiring someone to teach a faith-based curriculum to children if that person is an atheist, or even agnostic. I'm agnostic. I wouldn't want me working for that school, because I wouldn't be able to honestly sell the message the church was trying to convey. My wife, on the other hand, isn't. My kids (at least my two oldest boys) are total Christians who ask about God and Jesus and all that all the time, having spent years in church-based preschools. My children were baptized, to the point where one was baptized at only a few days old because of the connection we had with our old church in New York, and for the youngest we actually drove up to New York solely for the purpose of baptism. Those people - you want to keep them away from your church?

And this, as it happens, is one of the main reasons I do not visit a church on a regular basis, and at this rate will never visit one again. This mixed message that seems to prevail through so many religions and churches; people who claim that we are all equal because we are children of God, then pass judgement on others due to their beliefs, appearance, background, or financial situation. This thought process that you can only love God through visiting a building at least once a week. Churches are leftover relics of medieval times where the community couldn't read the word of God nor had the access to books such as the Bible in the first place and had to gather in order to hear this Bible so that they could learn morals and how to be just.

And for what? To have people tell me who I can love? What I can eat? What I can say, and whom I can say it to? All based on a book of stories that are at least seventeen hundred years old and were passed down from generation to generation verbally before that? Stories that couldn't be read by the general population potentially being changed to serve the needs of that time by a corrupt ruling class? You want me to surround myself with people who believe that these words were written not by storytellers and wise men but by a deity, whose loyalty is based on ignoring science and proven fact by using the words "faith" and "believe", who are told when they feel that their natural nature to question what they do not understand and to seek answers and information is considered "losing faith" and therefore going against the church - you want me to be a part of that?

You want me to believe that the members of a club that meets every week or so - who six and half days out of the week commit sin, hurt others, break laws, and carry themselves in ways that fail to cater to any moral standard - will enter the kingdom of Heaven instead of me because they've had their hand punched more often at Club Sunday than I have?

Never.