For some reason (glutton for punishment? I don’t know.) I transcribed the truly bizarre interview Buzz Sports Radio in Raleigh had with Ked Woodley, a Carolina Panthers fan who recorded a rap video called “Dominate The Foe” that has gone viral since its release.
You can hear the interview here, but below is it in all its written glory, as best as I could do (I guessed in a few places, and if you listen, you’ll understand why.)
LAUREN BROWNLOW: We are joined by writer and performer of the song that's sweeping the nation or at least Panthers Nation "Dominate The Foe" - he is Ked Woodley, and Ked, first of all, we have to ask sort of what was the process that went into this song, what inspired you to write it, how long did it take - we have to know everything about this.
KED WOODLEY: It is kind of a confusing story - I hope to do a book, honestly, in the very near future. I'm looking for a ghost writer right now and this is my opportunity to get the word out - I'm looking for the best ghost writer in the world to help me write my life...career up to this point and there's so much paranormal activity goin' on in my life, you know, and I want to thank God #1 and #2 I want to thank God's crystals because the amethyst crystal is my favorite and the streets of gold, you know, in heaven are not the only precious thing, you know, just wanna see around for eternity, you know, it's like the gates of the kingdoms of the heavens...
DEMETRI RAVANOS: Right on, brother.
KED: ...God's kingdom gonna be full of amethyst crystals...
DEMETRI: Mmm hmm.
KED: ...and this... this crystals are like... powerful... they're, you know, they're of God. They're powerful.
DEMETRI: Can I ask you a quick question, Ked? When you say you're looking for the best ghost writer in the world, do you mean someone to write the book and leave their name off, or are you looking to contact an actual ghost?
KED: Uhhhhhh... either one.
DEMETRI: OK, cool.
MIKE MANISCALCO: Are you a little taken back, Ked, with how popular you've gotten recently and the celebrity that you've been hit with trying to get to this and now you're kinda at that mark with the way people have been reaching out wanting to talk to you?
KED: It's starting to make me feel, uh, I'm a big fan of Ozzy Osborne, of Black Sabbath slash Crazy Train slash Ozzy Osborne you know [BLEEP] I'm a big fan of Ozzy Osborne I'm sayin' and um, I'm paranoid like his like #1 song I'm so paranoid now like - going out in public man it's like the crystals are trippin' literally - I got stories about that that's going in the book for real... them crystals are powerful, man. The amethyst I think is the most powerful.
DEMETRI: So give us, give us one of those stories. Where is the weirdest place you've been recognized?
KED: Um... [LONG PAUSE] I mean I've been going to the Sheetz store down, you know, off of 10th Street at the new Walmart, it's the Sheetz that's right in front of Portertown Road and 10th Street, where they meet. I've been going to that Walmart for the last four years and I've been getting some strange looks lately at Walmart and Sheetz and I'm starting to almost be like damn, I mean, I'm going to have to stop going out in public here, pretty soon, I'm afraid to be honest with you because some of the looks I'm getting - people dropping [BLEEP] and their phone bustin' all over the place whether they're looking at me or not looking at me and [BLEEP] like that. Like, paranormal activity goin' on.
MIKE: All right, so I mean is there any pressure now for a followup to "Dominate The Foe", I mean, have you been working on that or are you taking a creative break, Ked? Ked Woodley joining us here on Buzz Sports Radio.
KED: It's a funny question, you know, because - there's this guy, man, um, I can think of probably his first name. He's like for this bar? Sports? Bar pool? Bar sports or something. He's like #1 maybe like sports commentator?
KED: ...for this sports bar bar spool or bar sports or something um... damn. I'm kinda blanking out on his name. I apologize to my bruhs(?) cuz I just met the dude. His name is Kaleb. K-A-L-E-B.
LAUREN: Barstool? Is it Barstool Sports?
KED: Yeah. Or it may be C-A-L-E-B. It's one or the other. One or the other. We just did a remix. Uh, I'm sorry. We did a Super Bowl party song together today and videotaped it. I think it was yesterday. I'm sorry.
LAUREN: Oh, awesome!
KED: I am confused, because I haven't been getting very much sleep, like Donald Trump's crazy ass. But hey - don't get me wrong. I'm a big fan of Donald Trump.
MIKE: Of course.
KED: Whoooooo. My big black cat. Whoooooooo.
LAUREN: Speaking of that, I have to ask. How much work did it take you to get that growl and how often have people been asking you to do that for them?
KED: I have lost my voice many times repeating that - trying to copy it as best as I could. And then I, I really almost believe I try to take it to a kind of a whole new level if you can... can I say level without getting on somebody's nerves?
MIKE & LAUREN: Yeah!, absolutely.
KED: I hear level so much until I'm tripping out on level level level level [PAUSE] levellevellevellevellevellevellevellevel [LAUGHTER] I mean I just had to do that cuz I thought it might be funny but I...
MIKE: It is!
DEMETRI: You are correct. We are talking to Ked Woodley...
MIKE: Those crystals are tripping, I'm serious man.
KED: Oh. Oh. You gotta hear this. You gotta hear this.
KED: The crystals are [rolls tongue] trrrrrrrrrripping.
LAUREN: Oh! I like that.
DEMETRI: Strong. We are talking to Ked Woodley...
DEMETRI: ...the creative genius...
DEMETRI: ...behind "Dominate The Foe", listen, Ked, before I let you go...
KED: HEY. You gotta... you gotta check out my Krazy Ked videos. Krazy Ked spelled with a "K" instead of a "C". It's Krazy Ked - K-R-A-Z-Y. I've got some videos that's been out there for several years that anybody that loves my "Dominate The Foe" rap song would love to see me trip the [BLEEP] out whether I'm like doin' a Panther growl or acting like a pissed off Panther fan that's on crack or bath salts...
KED: ...um, PCP, heroin...
MIKE: Sure, all of them. Good times.
KED: ...did I name them all? I'm tryin'. [BLEEP].
DEMETRI: All right - Ken Woodley...
KED: I'm sorry - HEY, hey, y'all gonna bleep that out, aren't you?
MIKE: Yes. Yes we are.
DEMETRI: No problem. Listen.
KED: Oh. All right. OK. I'm sorry.
DEMETRI: Ked, before I let you go, I want to play a quick game with you, of "Wack or Fly?" where, because you are - I would say one of the best rappers North Carolina has ever known. I'm going to give you an artist...
KED: I appreciate it. I just uh... I started my rap game probably, roughly, I don't know man, five years ago maybe, or six or seven - I started my rap game - I started on a WWE rap song that I've almost finished, man. And I'm going to get probably some local talent like this dude, Kaleb, you know, the sports broadcaster, that he's like big around the South and he's saying they get something like 300 million views, in like every month...
DEMETRI: That's a lot of views.
KED: ...and they're gonna help my views...
MIKE: Oh God yes.
KED: ...because this guy, I helped him do this video, of me and him doin' another Super Bowl, you know, hype rap song, for the Carolina Panthers and [BLEEP] and I'm so happy about it, you know, like, words can't describe.
DEMETRI: Well very cool, all right, so I'm going to name rappers, and you simply tell me are they wack or are they fly. Ready?
KED: All right.
DEMETRI: All right. #1: Run-DMC.
DEMETRI: #2: Limp Bizkit.
DEMETRI: #3: Kanye West.
DEMETRI: #4: Wiz Khalifa
DEMETRI: You gotta pick one Kanye or Wiz. Which one is wack, which one is fly?
KED: All right, um, Kanye West is wack, and Wiz is, is fly.
DEMETRI: OK. Kid Rock.
KED: Um, fly.
DEMETRI: Lynyrd Skynyrd.
KED: He's... he's very fly. I'm a tribute singer too, like Ronnie Van Zant. I'm a tribute singer of Lynyrd Skynyrd, to be honest with you.
DEMETRI: What's the name of your Skynyrd tribute band?
KED: Um, I was gonna name it Freebird.
ALL: Yeah, that's a good one.
KED: It's already been taken, but we can reword it and like [BLEEP] it.
DEMETRI: Yeah, I hear ya.
MIKE: All the way.
DEMETRI: Last one, this is the one I want...
KED: Re-letter it. I meant like re-letter it.
MIKE: Oh, yeah yeah yeah.
DEMETRI: This is the one I really need to know about, and this is the one I think most people will judge you on. Macklemore. Wack or fly.
KED: Say who what? Mack-Le-More?
DEMETRI: Macklemore. Is he wack or is he fly?
KED: I don't know who he is.
LAUREN: Great answer. [applause]
DEMETRI: Ked Woodley everybody. All right Ked, where can people get your music, and see the video if they want to?
KED: It *is* all over the Internet, and I'm happy with all the fans who all is diggin' it, I mean, I'm a fan of Petey Pablo, I really am, and I would do a song with Petey Pablo, I helped him do his songs, I'd appreciate his help doing my songs, and, I mean, it's all good in the hood... bro.
DEMETRI: I'm glad you specified in the hood is where it's all good. Ked Woodley, everybody, Ked - thank you so much.
KED: All right, all right, yeah, you're welcome.