Let's wrap this up, shall we? 

PS - if you've missed the first, second, and third quarters, click the links.

MetLife: Cartoon Summit

MetLife's been using Peanuts characters for a while now, but this time they decided to raid the Hanna-Barbera vault to stir up some memories. A cute concept, and most will remember Voltron and He-Man, but most characters were B and C-list characters from the 60s and 70s. It's like MetLife went to Hanna-Barbara and went shopping in the clearance aisle to get screen filler. Still neat, but not as good as some will (falsely) recall. NOTE: stop the commercial at :25, and look for Waldo. He's there (despite not really being a "cartoon character.")

Kia Optima: Drive the Dream

Now this is how you mix a humor spot with a car commercial. Plenty of images of the car (in action, no less), but good to get a laugh as well. Motley Crue's "Kickstart My Heart" is such a perfect (almost stereotypical) car commercial song, and to see them performing it in the commercial worked. It fit the male "stereotype" without being too insulting. A winner.

Honda: Matthew's Day Off

I'll admit - I cheated and saw this before the Super Bowl, just because the teaser pulled me in. I'm a huge fan of "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" and when I saw the teaser, I got all excited for... anything. In hindsight, it ruined the commercial a little bit for me, because I would have LOVED it had I not expected it. On its own, it was well done - referenced the movie well, even in the small references ("Grace" calls him while he's driving, his agent throwing around a baseball) and worked overall. Managed to show the car a bit too, which is still important.

Bud Light: Rescue Dog

Bud Light does what I was hoping Coke would have done, but never bothered. They put out one of their typical Bud Light commercials (funny and cute), but make an effort to mention that the dog at the center of the ad is a "rescue dog"; one the owner got from the shelter. Then, at the end, just a quick link and a note to "help rescue dogs". That simple. Doesn't take away from the ad, doesn't depress anyone, but maybe it gets a dog in a shelter rescued. If even just one gets rescued, it's a success.

CareerBuilder.com: Monkeys

Another reoccurring Super Bowl commercial, the CareerBuilder monkeys have been around since the 2005 Super Bowl and are far from "must see" anymore. However, they still manage to do a decent job - conveying CareerBuilder's value to the person with the job that they hate. It'd be easy to just show some guy doing a "horrible job" (say, like cleaning clogged toilets), but doing so insults people who may do that job and enjoy it. Putting the monkeys in the mix shows that the guy may not have a bad job, but his job atmosphere sucks, and no one gets insulted. Well, maybe just PETA.

GoDaddy.com: Heaven

I hate myself for having to watch that commercial again. It's at least not as bad as GoDaddy's other commercial in the first quarter, but it's still so bad it comes off like a Saturday Night Live parody from the 80s. The boys ask "IS THIS HEAVEN?" and Danica Patrick corrects them by grabbing at her midsection and brightness overtaking the camera as a ripping sound can be heard. So you've heard it here first - GoDaddy says heaven is Danica Patrick's glowing viscera.

Samsung: Galaxy Note

I hate this commercial for so many reasons.

• The concept that Apple users camping out for iPhones hate having to do it. They don't. They camp out because they're excited about the product. Samsung would have you believe that acquiring a cell phone currently is like Communist Russia where people stood in line to get their allotment of technology, until Samsung BROKE DOWN THE WALL with their new phone, finally relieving them of their line-waiting agony.
• The concept that people who wait on line on release day for an iPhone desperately want something different. News flash: people who wait on line for iPhones on release day are the least likely of all people in the market for a cell phone to buy a Samsung Galaxy or any other non-iPhone. People who camp out for weeks for Duke/Carolina aren't going to suddenly bolt because there's a NC State game going on across town.
• "I'm missing the game for this" - what game, Blackburn v. Arsenal? Apple lines start in the morning before the store opens. Unless you're a big fan of the English Premier League, I doubt you're "missing the game", hipster.
• "Woah - it's got A PEN?" - I used a stylus with my smartphone 10 years ago when it was called a Palm Pilot and didn't actually have a phone. Apple kind of eliminated the need for the stylus in 2007 when the first iPhone came out using touchscreen technology. Plugging how your phone has a "pen" is like Dell announcing that their new line of desktop PCs will come with floppy disk drives.
• "Samsung. Again." - So the hipsters in line knew about Samsung phones and their apparent greatness in the past (a reference to their earlier Galaxy S II commercial with the same theme and actors), but since they're dumb, they ignored it before.
• "THE NEXT BIG THING IS ALREADY HERE." (coming soon - preorder yours at Best Buy) - WHAT? SERIOUSLY? The whole basis on your commercial is that the lemmings wait for their cool product to be released, when they could already have their hands on your awesome product. But... they can't. They have to WAIT FOR IT TO BE RELEASED. The only thing you're saying there is that sure - you'll have to wait until we release it, but when we do, there won't be long lines. Basically, you're selling your product on how much less popular your product will be than its competitor.

So, to recap - the product fights the mainstream, allows you to still catch your obscure morning sports event, has an outdated "classic" accessory, and won't be popular despite how good it is. Congratulations, Samsung - you have invented the first, true hipster phone.

Cadillac: ATS

Basic car commercial - "our car is great, here it is in action, etc." Cute bit of wordplay, but otherwise uneventful.

Act of Valor: Big Game TV Spot

A good movie spot - lots of action, doesn't give anything away, and hits the important selling point of the movie (that real Navy SEALs will star in it). Also allows for a little confusion as to how "real" the movie is (something that isn't stated clearly really anywhere), so it gets curiosity going.

NBC Thursday Comedies: Crank

Foreign people are poor. HAHAHAHAHAHA. Oh NBC, you slay me.

History Channel: Swamp People

Good job building the show, although I still don't know a damn thing about it. Do they just drive along in their boats and shoot alligators in the mouth?

Hyundai: Think Fast

I got the concept after the second viewing, but when I first saw it, it confused me - I thought the guy was choking, and that the stop/go was working as a type of Heimlich Maneuver, but then the tagline of getting your pulse going made me realize that they were going for a kind of "CPR" thing. Meh.

Awake: Which Is Which?

Man, I hope NBC gives this a shot. Kyle Killen deserves one, after how "Lone Star" went down. The commercial does a very good job of explaining the concept of the show, without revealing too much else. It does enough to draw you in without giving too much away. I'm curious to see how much of an audience the show gets, but the commercial should help, at least a little bit.

WINNER: Kia Optima: Drive the Dream & Honda: Matthew's Day Off (tie)

LOSER: GoDaddy.com: Heaven (yes, even with me tearing the Samsung commercial a new one, I still couldn't hold it lower than GoDaddy)

For those just stumbling upon this for the first time, we did the first quarter and second quarter yesterday, with the fourth quarter still to come later today.

Anyway, on to the ads!

Fiat: Seduction

I know that I've said in the past that I'm not crazy about car ads that don't really feature the car, but this one worked for me. The metaphor works here with the tagline - "you'll never forget the first time you see one", while the man is subjected to a full range of emotions after seeing the woman - and the car. Importantly though, you still get to see the car in action, and it makes you want to see more. Well done, especially for a company without an established U.S. market.

Acura: Transactions

Yahoo shows the extended version of this commercial (almost two minutes) which I think is too much; the 60 second commercial worked ideally because it was quicker-paced (like a "Seinfeld" episode), while the 30 second version (which came on later, in the fourth quarter I believe) cut too much. Bonus points if you're a fan of Jerry Seinfeld (I am), and double bonus meta points for the Jay Leno cameo at the end, even if the meta wasn't intentional (I think it was.)

Toyota: Camry

Bah, Toyota. Three seconds of the product they're selling (the newly designed Camry), and at the beginning. By the time the commercial is over, you've forgotten what the car looked like in the first place. Then again, it's a Camry - people will just buy it anyway because it's a Camry. Worse was that the funny part wasn't actually funny. A baby that's a time machine? How is that an improvement?

NFL.com: Evolution

It's not really fair. NFL Films doing a commercial is like Kobe Bryant deciding to play in my kids' Upward Basketball league. The transitions, the music, the use of the yard markers as decades, the footage quality subtly changing as they get more current - it's just done so well. Honestly, I forgot what the message of the commercial was all about (player safety, which is a whole other rant), but when you're watching football to begin with and see something like this that embraces the history of the game, all up to footage from the game you're currently watching, it's hard not to love it.

Century 21: Celebrities

Decent commercial. Showcases the product while still using a sense of humor. Nothing outstanding or laugh-out-loud funny, but doesn't drop the ball either. Side note: is Apolo Ohno the most successful American Winter Olympics athlete in terms of mainstream exposure? I don't count Shaun White because his popularity was pretty much already established in X-Games before the '06 Olympics. I always feel bad for Olympic athletes who get this huge brush with fame for a few weeks and then seemingly disappear because their sports aren't major professional sports. Ohno, to his credit, has parlayed speed skating into being a mainstream celebrity.

Coca-Cola: Arghh

HEY LOOK ITS THOSE BEARS AGAIN. It's cute at Christmas, it's cute when you're trying to save them (which again - third polar bear commercial, not one mention of Coke's polar bear conservation efforts or info for people to find out more about what they can do). It seems like a waste - if you're going to make it a reoccurring commercial during the Super Bowl, give us the dreary sad one at the end that makes us want to save these adorable animated creatures who just sit around on their butts and watch football.

Dannon: John Stamos

Oh, I get it. Jesse Katsopolis, er, John Stamos is Greek, it's Greek yogurt - I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE. People who like complaining about things apparently think the commercial promotes domestic violence, where I only think it promotes violence to people who are dicks about sharing their food, which I'll allow. Seriously though - the "violence" is meant to be "cartoonish" and over-the-top (watch the shoe go flying up), and while I could see a little more controversy if Stamos had head-butted his female companion, it's meant to be silly. PS - Greek yogurt is good, but expensive. It needs to get over itself.

Pepsi MAX: Regis

Commercials that have sequels or reoccurring characters can work if they're beloved or at least popular. We get it - the Coke driver likes the Pepsi. It's the same commercial it was last year and however many other times it's been rehashed. Also seems like a waste of Regis here - what, five seconds?

Smash: Preview

JUST SHOW THE DAMN SHOW ALREADY.

GE: Appliance Park

Done well - tells of the company's history, implies that it's helping to bring jobs to Americans, and puts an overall positive spin on the brand. Doesn't sell much more than the brand, but that's what they're going for here. Then again, I keep thinking about Sean McNally's tweet in the second quarter about the last GE commercial (see second spot in the second quarter wrapup.)

Budweiser: Eternal Optimism

Now, I'm no Bud fan, but this does a good job. Establishes the history of the brand and connects it with good times being had over that span. It really could be done with any product that existed during that timeframe, but Bud does it well here with smooth transitions and uptempo music. Nice meta shoutout to Al Michaels and his 1980 USA hockey call and who was also calling this year's Super Bowl game.

Time Warner Cable: Master

Considering that Time Warner Cable only services a little over half the country, I was surprised to see them running a national Super Bowl ad. Ricky Gervais was funny, and it was interesting to see marijuana pop up in a Super Bowl ad (even if it was just a reference to the Showtime show "Weeds").

Bridgestone: Basketball

I think this one worked a lot better than the football commercial Bridgestone pulled in the first quarter. Again, not sure why the pro players were needed (as they didn't really add anything), but the lack of sound from the "basketball" showcasing the noise-reducing tires Bridgestone was trying to sell worked.

WINNER: NFL.com: Evolution (non-NFL Films category: Acura: Transactions)

LOSER: Toyota: Camry

So let's get on with it, shall we?

The Lorax: Big Game Spot

The key push right off the bat is that it's "from the creators of 'Despicable Me'", which is probably a good thing considering the subject matter. The trailer paints "Lorax" as being a upbeat "boy does anything for girl" animated comedy, despite the book being one of Dr. Seuss' most depressing tales of pollution and man's destruction of wildlife. It makes me want to see it and not want to see it at the same time. I don't know how one scores that.

GE: Turbines

I made a tweet about how during the Super Bowl, even GE commercials turn into beer commercials. But Sean McNally beat me:

My dad used to make turbines in Schenectady for GE. He was laid off in 1987 with just about everyone else. #FalseAdvertising

Awkward.

Hulu.com: Huluboratory (Extra Mushy Edition)

Will Arnett stepping in and doing basically the same commercial Alec Baldwin did years ago just didn't do anything for me, especially when the only different thing they introduce, Hulu Plus (on your favorite devices!) generally doesn't offer all the things they advertise on those devices, just on your computer. Bah.

The Tonight Show With Jay Leno: Madonna

Screw it - I'm watching Arsenio; he's got MC Hammer on this week. Seriously, Leno now seems 100 miles more out of touch than Carson did when Leno/Letterman were pushing for his spot.

The Voice: Vocal Kombat

I'm assuming that these aren't in exact order, but that's five NBC-affiliated commercials right there. The commercial was cute (and the kids seemed to like it) but it seemed like a little too much effort to plug the show that's coming up right after the game.

Star Wars Episode 1 3D: Big Game Spot

Putting my issues with re-releasing Episode 1 in theaters in 3D aside, the big issue I have with this commercial is that half of the footage is of Star War movies that aren't Episode 1! Hey look - it's Luke, Darth Vader, Princess Leia, Han Solo... and you won't see any of them in this film! Well, you get Vader, just not as Vader, but as a kid. And lots of Jar Jar Binks. False advertise much?

America's Got Talent: Howard Stern

Back to the NBC products. So now we've got Stern, Leno, Madonna - NBC is about two steps removed from being a major network VH1 and fully embracing 1993.

Chrysler: Halftime in America

Was Clint Eastwood's voice always so high? Well done speech, good metaphor, good person to use (even if his voice is bordering on Judge Doom's after he gets run over with the steamroller. Makes you want to spend money on a Chrysler, which is kind of what commercials are supposed to do.

Volkswagen: The Dog Strikes Back

VW pulls the swerve, and it ends up working. When VW used a Star Wars-themed commercial last year that pretty much "won the Internet", they promised a sequel recently with a spot that had dogs barking Darth Vader's Imperial March. Yet even with the name ("The Dog Strikes Back"), the commercial had nothing to do with "Star Wars", with the exception of a little bonus scene at the end. Stand-alone (without any "Star Wars" anything), it was a very well done commercial - very memorable, and kept the product noticable.

Doritos: Sling Baby

Missed this one originally, for reasons I won't get into. OK in concept, I guess, but not really that funny. Hey, if you're going to endanger the life of the baby, why does the snotty kid not have anything happen to him?

'The Avengers' Trailer

Missed this one too. My Twitter feed didn't help much, since any upcoming super hero movie trailer generally gets the OMG SO AAAWESOMEMM!!1!1 treatment. Good trailer for 30 seconds - you see all the characters, you see action, but doesn't give anything away. Makes you want to see more, which is what good trailers are supposed to do.

'G.I. Joe: Retaliation' Trailer

I heard a lot about the first G.I. Joe movie, which I never ended up seeing, mainly because I loved G.I. Joe growing up and I was sure it was going to disappoint me. This trailer, while short too, also was put together well like the Avengers trailer. A lot of two new actors (Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson and Bruce Willis), action from the characters that worked in the first movie (Snake Eyes & Storm Shadow), and what looks to be a fix of a major flaw the first movie had (that Cobra Commander just didn't look like Cobra Commander). Does all it could do.

E*TRADE: Fatherhood

The E*TRADE baby kind of jumped the shark what seems like ages ago, so this is going to keep getting beaten into the ground until the company can think of something better or it goes out of business, whichever comes first. Yawn.

Teleflora: Adriana Lima

Teleflora reminds us that by buying a not-so-cheap assortment of flowers, on Valentine's Day (when you're supposed to), your female-type companion will give you something [WINK WINK NUDGE NUDGE], because that's what works on supermodels. This commercial will work great on the GoDaddy audience and lose everyone else.

Cars.com: Confident You

There's always some advertiser that thinks "disturbing" sells. This year, it's Cars.com. Would have been fine if done several other ways (voice in his head, tiny guy on his shoulder, etc.) but protruding tentacle probably was not the best option. This isn't Japan.

Skechers: Mr. Quigley

Cute dog + tiny versions of things + sped-up motion + outsider defeating snooty establishment = winner. Superfluous use of Mark Cuban at the end, but still amusing.

Coca-Cola: Catch

More polar bears. Cuter than the earlier polar bear one, but really - did we need two?

Chevy: Anthem

Somewhat interesting, but didn't tell me a whole hell of a lot about the car, or even really give me a good look at it. At least I know now what to buy if I'm going to drop my car out of a plane. Fails on execution.

H&M Bodywear: David Beckham

Take it away, @ElwoodJBlues:

Poor David Beckham. Still has his name sewn into his underwear.

I assume this was every man's punishment for having the Teleflora and GoDaddy commercials.

'John Carter' Trailer

Another movie trailer, which unlike Avengers and G.I. Joe isn't a sequel, so it's just got to sell itself on new material. Disney-backed (proudly, I might add) and with a decent amount of action, it's still a movie trailer.

Chevy: Happy Grad

I don't know - I have an issue I guess with car companies not necessarily selling the car. This one comes closest, showing the excitement of someone receiving a Camaro (albeit falsely), and kind of funny, but yeah. Looks short, too.

Doritos: Man's Best Friend

This one was a popular one online. I could see it being a little funny, but then again, I'm a cat person, so being bought off by a dollar bag of Doritos just seems a little sad.

Budweiser: Return of the King

Good use of history and aligning your product with it. While I made a comment online:

...and then they drank it. And it was bad.

I don't deny that people probably would have gone nuts to see any kind of beer after 13 years, even Bud. You know, if speakeasies hadn't existed. Which I'm sure they didn't.

TaxACT: The Free

Peeing in pools is always fun, and the kid's facial expressions were on point, but it's kind of a stretch for me to equate "free" with "peeing in your own pool". Having watched it now again, I still don't really see the connection. The freedom of your bladder, I guess?

WINNER: Volkswagen: The Dog Strikes Back (with the Clint Eastwood Chrysler ad just behind)

LOSER: Teleflora: Adriana Lima

Celebrity Apprentice: Attack

Never been a fan of the Apprentice, nor the b, c, and d-list celebrities that normally end up on those things. HINT: your appearance on a reality show should not give you "celebrity" credentials to appear on another reality show. I could have let it slide, but seeing Debbie Deborah Gibson in enough makeup to frighten a circus clown depressed the hell out of me. Alyssa Milano doesn't look like that, Debs. Just dab on a little Electric Youth and all will be well again.

Lexus: 2013 GS

Simple, yet dramatic. Not an ad everyone will talk about the next day, but enough to get good buzz around the car. Good looking vehicle, presented well, and not long enough to drone on and on about features. Makes you want to learn more.

Battleship: Big Game Spot

I remember when I first heard that "Battleship" was being made into a movie and assumed it was an Onion headline. It became a punchline for everyone (myself included) but I think the studio has done a good job with seemingly making it nothing resembling the board game which makes you ask - why name it after the board game in the first place?

Oh, because it's being made by "Hasbro Studios", a subsidiary of the toy company.

Best part of the ad: in the intro, "FROM HASBRO THE COMPANY THAT BROUGHT YOU TRANSFORMERS". Oh, not the movie, guys. The toys. They had nothing to do with the movie. They didn't even come up with the toys - they just made a deal with the Japanese company Takara to license their toys in the US. But that's a geek road to go down another day.

PS: if you're bored, check out the cast of "Battleship". It's fascinating.

GoDaddy.com: Body Painting

GoDaddy is interesting from a marketing/PR standpoint because it's a company that despite regularly shooting itself in the foot and doing whatever it can to piss off people - both customers and non-customers - they seem to still be a successful business. More of the usual GoDaddy stuff here again - whoring out two female celebrities who could be seen as female role models, yet instead lose a ton of credibility by acting like tee-hee eye candy, painting a "naked" woman. The UNCENSORED portion of the commercial is on their website! You know, implying that if you go to GoDaddy, a Cinemax late-night flick is going to break out. Here's the thing - it's not even like you're teasing Danica Patrick is going to "get naked" anymore. It's awkward, it's airing in the first quarter (when the kids are still awake), and it's not shocking because you do it every year. It'd be awesome if they tried something original for a change - even played off of their usual stuff. But no - of course not.

M&M's: Just My Shell

The first memorable (for a good reason) spot of the night. Vanessa Williams as the voice of the brown M&M candy worked well (sophisticated, elegant, intellegent) and the red M&M gets a chuckle. Good for kids and adults (thought I hate the "Sexy And I Know It" song - well, I hate my grade school and younger kids signing it.)

Coca-Cola: Superstition

Cute - not funny necessarily, but no harm either. I liked what Coca-Cola has been doing with the polar bear conservation, and I would have liked a little message at least in this, but I guess that could come off a little preachy. Maybe a link.

Bridgestone: Football

Another one with wasted celebrities. Nice that you got Troy Aikman and Deion Sanders in it, but Aikman was unnecessary, and possibly even took away from the impact of the commercial. If an ordinary person throws the weird football "gripping the turns", it shows that the Bridgestone technology can help us everyday drivers. Keep Deion in it to get pissed off, especially if the everyday guy is throwing the football.

Chevy: 2012

A commercial that will be remembered more for its knock on Ford than for anything else. Cute Twinkies reference but takes a second viewing to see what they were going for (with all the disasters - the robot, the UFO, the meteor, etc.) and if you have to watch it more than once to "get it", you lose points.

Best Buy: Innovators

Funny how a company that is almost soundly hated by geeks puts together a very geek-friendly commercial. Shoutouts to lots of people who wouldn't otherwise get recognized with a little meta thrown in (the "Words With Friends" guys getting scolded on the plane, referencing the Alec Baldwin incident) leads to a fun commercial. Best Buy also offering a simple, non-swarmy service without making promises it can't keep (although "unbiased advice"? Are you sure about that?) makes it a good spot.

Bud Light Platinum: Work

Beer commercial. Nothing memorable (except are those cobalt bottles?) about the product or how it's necessarily supposed to be different or "new". In reality, Bud Light Platinum is an interesting concept that I think Bud is marketing wrong, but here it just looks like another Bud Light product, which really it's not. A waste.

Hyundai: Cheetah

Goofy take on stereotypical car commercials. Gets good car time, along with a laugh. Decent overall.

Smash: Beautiful

Thankful they aired this during the Super Bowl because it's not like I've seen this advertised EVERY SINGLE DAY FOR THE LAST TWO MONTHS OR SO. Cripes - I think I've seen Katherine McPhee more often in Smash commercials than I did her entire run on American Idol. I hear critics (and common folk) like the show, but it's nearing Titanic Paradox levels for me despite not yet debuting.

Audi: Vampire

Tied for the funniest commercial of the quarter with the M&Ms commercial. No sparkle to piss off the Twilight lovers (although I would have loved to see that), but the last one hiding behind the log was the kicker.

Pepsi: Elton John

So we have Elton John, Flava Flav, Jacob Ben-Israel from Glee, possibly Halle Berry (focused on twice, but I could be seeing things), but the star is... um... who is that? Turns out she's the chick who won "X-Factor", a show that was so successful 2/3 of the cast was dumped for the second season. It's nice to give the winner the spotlight in a Super Bowl commercial, but to assume the entire Super Bowl watching public is going to know who the hell she is might be a little short-sighted. Coke's not rushing out to make a Landau Eugene Murphy, Jr. commercial, you know?

Bud Light Platinum: Factory

Better commercial than their first one, focusing on the product (noting the different alcohol content), but still not adding much info. It's an interesting product that they're selling - a beer that has more alcohol than a traditional lager, yet less calories. Yet no mention of the calorie content in the ad. Guess they're leaving it to you to figure out.

Pizza Hut: Turntable Red Room

Contest winner ends up on a Super Bowl commercial - always a cool story. Song was done well. Not much product push or anything, but the commercial is more of an end result of a bigger ad campaign done earlier. If Pizza Hut doesn't have anything new to sell (and they don't) but they want something during the Super Bowl, why not a contest winner?

Hyundai: All For One

Rocky theme always gives me chills. Good spot, although the irony isn't lost on me that an icon so often viewed as "American" (although he didn't really start fighting "for America" until Rocky IV - he just beat up black people) is being used for a Korean car company. U-S-A! U-S-A!

'The Dictator' Trailer

Hey, look! It's Sasha Baron Cohen doing Sasha Baron Cohen things! Admittedly, the track & field event scene made me laugh, but I don't think you're going to break new ground in viewership. If anything, I wasn't sure if it was an Adam Sandler movie at first, so I'm not sure if that's a good thing.

WINNER: M&M's: Just My Shell, Audi: Vampire (tie)

LOSER: GoDaddy.com: Body Painting

I say "ideal field goal range" because those aren't always guaranteed shots. Billy Cundiff and Baltimore Ravens fans know this first-hand, as Cundiff missed a 32-yard field goal - one yard longer than Tynes' kick - that would have tied their game with the New England Patriots and almost certainly put the AFC Championship game into overtime. Cundiff doesn't use Twitter (to our knowledge) so he at least doesn't get to see the threats from people who talk without fear of repercussion, hiding behind an alias behind a computer keyboard or smartphone.

Or worse, maybe they're not showing false bravado. Maybe they would physically attack Williams or Cundiff because of those plays. "Fan" is short for "fanatic" for a reason.

Both mistakes are excusable - Cundiff's kick was rushed despite the Ravens having a time out to allow the kicker to set up. Cundiff and the kicking team were running onto the field as seconds ticked away, and the ball was snapped with barely a second left on the play clock.. Williams had the ball stripped from him, carrying the ball during a rainstorm. This wasn't a muffed punt or his running and dropping the ball; Williams was hit, and a slick football popped out as a result. Had it happened midway through the third quarter, it gets forgotten. Since it happened at the end of the game, it suddenly becomes THE PLAY that ended the season for the 49ers, when in reality it's not; it's just the last play of the game for the 49ers offense.

Think Williams and Cundiff feel like crap? Of course they do. Think their teammates are blaming them for losing the game? Probably not, and if they are, they're wrong.

A story: back in ancient times when I was maybe 11 or 12 years old, I was a pretty good bowler. I was on a very good bowling team, and we would win league trophies and all that kind of thing. I started bowling when I was eight, partly because it looked like fun, and partly because the bowling alley was the only thing that resembled an arcade within 15 miles of my house.

One year, while we were putting together a pretty good bowling season, my teammate's mom signed us up for some bigger tournaments. We would do this every so often - bowl at a nicer alley with gobs of other people, eat lunch at the Ground Round, and see what kind of video games the other alleys (and the Ground Round for that matter) had. But this season she signed us up for a team event, and we did pretty good. In fact, before we left, we were told that we had the best score in the tournament. This was a major score for us - it meant a trip upstate and staying in a hotel and all that kind of stuff that seems really cool when you're 12.

Later on we learned that another team had tied our score, and that we would have to travel back to the same alley we had bowled at before (no trip upstate, no hotel) to have a tiebreaker. From there, the magic disappeared, and we had our butts handed to us. No trip, no hotel - just a cheesy plaque that read "co-champions" that may or may not be in my mom's attic.

My point is that after we lost, I thought about the tie and how close we were to going upstate. We were five-person teams, so you're talking about five people, three games a piece, 150 frames of bowling.

One pin.

Have you ever been bowling? Have you ever thrown a perfect ball and had one pin just not go down, or come this || close to picking up a spare, or slip a little bit and miss the 7 or 10 pin? Of course. That's bowling. Crap like that happens every game (except the perfect ones).

But there we were, the five of us, thinking of not how we should have made a bunch more strikes, but how we should have gotten an eight instead of a seven in the sixth frame in the second game.

Because if we got that eight instead of a seven, or if we had picked up at least one of the pins in the 4-10 split in the second frame in the third game, or any other random stuff like that, we'd be going upstate, and we never would have seen a tiebreaker.

But the thing is, we didn't turn on each other, despite the fact that I'm sure every one of us could have pointed out errors the other four of us made. No one bowled a 300 game, so we all missed something. Instead, we sat there and picked apart the most minute details of those three games, something I'm sure the Ravens and 49ers are doing right now. One play where they could have played better, where if they hadn't done some mistake or made some minor misstep, something else might have happened and the Ravens wouldn't have had to turn to Cundiff to tie the game, or the 49ers wouldn't have been in overtime in the first place. Football is great for the butterfly effect; one play - one denied first down, or an extra five years, changes the approach to the game and causes different things to happen. If a defensive player makes a better tackle, the team doesn't get closer to making a first down. Someone gets called for a holding penalty and allows a drive to continue which doesn't directly result in a score, but causes a punt that puts the other team deeper into their own territory.

Yet it will be Billy Cundiff and Kyle Williams that will forever be linked to the Raven and 49er losses, just as I might have if I had thrown a gutter ball in the last frame of the final game. Well, and if millions of people had a fanatical interest in preteen regional team bowling.

It's not fair to Cundiff or Williams or Scott Norwood or Gary Anderson or Earnest Byner or countless others, but it's part of being a professional athlete, a part that isn't often thought of when discussing giant salaries and other luxuries that are part of a pro athlete's life.

[photo courtesy BayArea.com]

The justification, I guess, is that there's less on the line.  With the Jets tanking against the Seahawks yesterday, the Jets still need help to make the playoffs (a Patriots loss - good luck with that).  The Denver-San Diego game is a "two teams enter, one team leaves" kind of battle where the winner wins the division and the loser goes home, therefore making it more "dramatic".

However, how can you not go with the Dolphins-Jets game?  How many angles do you have going here?

• Chad Pennington vs. the team that scapegoated him and dumped him for a 39-year-old who was being pushed out the door by his former team
• The Dolphins (last year: 1-15) taking on the Jets (last year: 4-12) for the #3 seed in the AFC playoffs
• The Dolphins, a warm weather team that traditionally fails as the weather gets colder, going into New Jersey where the temperature would be around freezing at kickoff (at least at 8:15PM)
• The Dolphins (winners of 8 of their last 9, including 4 in a row) facing a reeling Jets team whom they have lost to 17 times in their last 21 meetings (including earlier this season in Miami)
• The Dolphins needing to win in late December on the road against the Jets.  Previous Dolphins victories over the Jets on the road in December: 1996 (Jets finished 1-15), 1983, 1982.  That is all.

And the history?  Ask any Jet or Dolphin fan about:

• A.J. Duhe and the 1982 AFC Championship game (the game that taught me to hate Jet fans)
• Marty Lyons ending Dwight Stephenson's career with an illegal chop block
• Raul Allegre costing the Dolphins the AFC East (and the playoffs) in the final game of the 1991 season
• Marino's fake spike in 1994 (easily my favorite Dolphins memory, and I still will say that I saw it coming)
• The Monday Night Miracle (easily my least favorite Dolphins memory, which I experienced live, and will now go throw up)

I'm sure there are more, but I'm a little too ill remembering that game.  The Broncos and Chargers though?  Would either team call their opponent their biggest rival?  The Broncos are 8-7 going into the game (having lost two straight) and face a 7-8 Chargers team that the word "disappointment" would be considered an understatement.  If the Chargers win (I assume they'd be favored) the NFL is putting an 8-8 team on a pedistal while potentially a 11-5 team could be left out (the Patriots, assuming both New England and the Dolphins win.)

History?  Well, last time these two played, the Broncos won 39-38 on a blown call on the Broncos final touchdown drive which would have given the ball to the Chargers and ended the game.  Yeah, that's something I'd want to remind the entire NFL audience about if I were the league.

Regardless, I enjoyed my time with my oldest boy and it's not like the game was an exciting one or anything, at least from an offensive standpoint.  The Dolphins played conservative on offense (well, kind of) while allowing their defense to step up and keep them in the game.  The Miami defense is confusing - there are times that they shine and look like one of the top 5 defenses in the league, and there are times where they wouldn't stop a Division III school.  It may be an issue of fatigue or psychological - they tend to give up points and big plays off of turnovers a lot.  Granted, when you give a team good field position you're generally going to give up points more often, but if you can stop a team at their 30, you can stop a team at your 30.  The amount of veterans (and by veterans, I mean guys that could have been on Tecmo Bowl rosters) on the defensive line is going to contribute to that though.  Keith Traylor is in his 16th season, Jeff Zgonina his 14th, Dan Wilkinson his 13th, Kevin Carter his 12th.  Hell, Jason Taylor (9th), Vonnie Holliday (8th), and David Bowens (7th) were drafted in the 90s.  Of the younger linemen, only Matt Roth (a second rounder from last year's draft) has seen any playing time, with Frederick Evans (7th rounder this year) and Kevin Vickerson (7th rounder last year) not seeing the active roster at all this season, Rodrique Wright (7th this year) out for the season, and Manuel Wright (5th round supp last year) sitting at home, still crying and talking about quitting football after Coach Saban was mean to him.

I've sidetracked in the middle of posting this to look over the Wannstedt/Spielman era draft history, but that's another rant for another time.  The point is that the team looked very good yesterday - great defense, sometimes from unexpected areas (Yeremiah Bell is slowly becoming one of my favorite players on the team), and an offense that stayed relatively conservative (outside of Mularkey's hardon for trick plays) so that prone-to-mistakes Joey Harrington was able to complete passes and hit various receivers and hand the ball off to Ronnie Brown enough for him to be effective but not so much as to kill Ronnie Brown or to become completely predictable.  Harrington showed the ability to react well to the blitz and read the field decently well, and make good enough decisions as to when to throw the ball away and when to actually run for a first down when no one was open.

Harrington is growing on me more and more, and it was probably the best thing for his career to end up in Miami.  The Dolphins are actually going to have a serious decision to make in regards to Joey - attempt to keep him around and admit an error in the trade for Culpepper, or let him go and keep their fingers crossed that Culpepper (when/if he gets healthy) is going to be that step above Harrington, which he should be.

I'm not sure what to make of this team.  Harrington doesn't give me any confidence in the quarterback position (not that he's played badly, but moreso the fact that I can't feel that he can be the guy to turn to down late in the game yet) and the team itself hasn't been consistant enough to lead me to believe they're going one way or the other.  One thing is for sure though - this is a much better team with Harrington under center than with Culpepper, and that if anyone (Saban, Culpepper, Mularkey, whomever) had the balls to step up and say that Culpepper wasn't ready for full blown NFL action to begin the season (which no one really expected him to), then the team might be sitting at 5-4 (or even better) right now instead of 3-6.

http://www.startribune.com/stories/510/5221966.html

An exerpt:

We were standing at Culpepper's side when the transaction took place. There was no animosity, no hurt feelings and no accusations of impropriety -- only thank-yous from Townsend, his parents and a doctor nearby.

The AP version of the story, however, in essence painted Culpepper as a spoiled athlete who "sheepishly" took away a gift from a paralyzed teenager once the cameras stopped shooting. Newspapers and Internet sites picked up the story nationally. One problem: Nothing could have been further from the truth.

Anyone who has met Culpepper knows he wears the necklace every day. He has for years. Garish as it might be -- its main ornament is a 6-inch hot pepper -- it carries sentimental and personal value. Since when is anyone -- athlete, actor, politician or average schmoe -- obligated to hand over personal possessions permanently when someone asks? Or should Culpepper have shot down the request and embarrassed Townsend on television?

If that's your story, then the next time someone asks you for your wedding ring or a sweater your grandmother knitted, you better cough it up. Or else find some real news to write about.

ZING! Who called it, eh? Good job, media!

Talk about being put into a no-win situation. For those of you too lazy to read the story, it breaks down like this. NFL quarterback is taking questions at a press conference. Paralyzed high schooler asks if he "can get some of that ice", referring to the $75k necklaces quarterback is wearing. Quarterback puts necklaces around high schooler's neck. High schooler's parents assume quarterback was giving the necklaces to their son. Quarterback finishes press conference and looks to get his necklaces back from high schooler. Uncomfortable situation ensues.

I'm actually impressed that the media is reporting the story fairly - using the direct quote that the high schooler gave and reporting the story. However, you can guarantee that every half-ass local news hack and sports radio troll is going to report this as if Culpepper pushed the kid down a flight of stairs. We don't even know if the kid really meant that he wanted the necklaces - such a request sounds pretty ballzy (ballsy?) - and was more likely the kid being a kid and throwing a compliment in Culpepper's direction. When Culpepper figured he'd try to give the kid a thrill, the parents took it the wrong way and Culpepper was left looking like crap because he wanted to get his jewelry back.

Now, the argument that people have is that Culpepper makes a lot of money, why not give him the jewelry. Well, why should he? The rich are supposed to just give away their possessions? Since I'm not rich, should I just randomly ask rich people for their possessions? "Wow, you've got a nice car, can I have it?" I could have my mom faint or something.

Culpepper's apparently "making it up" to the kid by giving him a gift in the future of some variety. Hopefully everyone will end up happy in the process - the kid gets something for nothing, the radio and local TV hacks get a story to make them seem like they have opinions about something, and if Culpepper trys hard enough and ignores what the hacks might say about him, he might be able to feel good about meeting this kid and doing something nice.

Doubtful, though. Media hacks - bah.

"You know what helped? Playing Madden. I was always the Chargers. After I got here, I'd play the game and notice things about the defenses. I started recognizing formations in the (video) game, then I'd get to practice and see them there."

I want a job where playing video games makes me a better employee.