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Dante: “I’m not even supposed to be here today!”

Thin ice: Culpepper gives jewelry, gets it back

Talk about being put into a no-win situation. For those of you too lazy to read the story, it breaks down like this. NFL quarterback is taking questions at a press conference. Paralyzed high schooler asks if he "can get some of that ice", referring to the $75k necklaces quarterback is wearing. Quarterback puts necklaces around high schooler's neck. High schooler's parents assume quarterback was giving the necklaces to their son. Quarterback finishes press conference and looks to get his necklaces back from high schooler. Uncomfortable situation ensues.

I'm actually impressed that the media is reporting the story fairly - using the direct quote that the high schooler gave and reporting the story. However, you can guarantee that every half-ass local news hack and sports radio troll is going to report this as if Culpepper pushed the kid down a flight of stairs. We don't even know if the kid really meant that he wanted the necklaces - such a request sounds pretty ballzy (ballsy?) - and was more likely the kid being a kid and throwing a compliment in Culpepper's direction. When Culpepper figured he'd try to give the kid a thrill, the parents took it the wrong way and Culpepper was left looking like crap because he wanted to get his jewelry back.

Now, the argument that people have is that Culpepper makes a lot of money, why not give him the jewelry. Well, why should he? The rich are supposed to just give away their possessions? Since I'm not rich, should I just randomly ask rich people for their possessions? "Wow, you've got a nice car, can I have it?" I could have my mom faint or something.

Culpepper's apparently "making it up" to the kid by giving him a gift in the future of some variety. Hopefully everyone will end up happy in the process - the kid gets something for nothing, the radio and local TV hacks get a story to make them seem like they have opinions about something, and if Culpepper trys hard enough and ignores what the hacks might say about him, he might be able to feel good about meeting this kid and doing something nice.

Doubtful, though. Media hacks - bah.

Dream job

From Antonio Gates, tight end of the San Diego Chargers and one of the biggest reasons the Chargers are a... gasp... Super Bowl contender:

"You know what helped? Playing Madden. I was always the Chargers. After I got here, I'd play the game and notice things about the defenses. I started recognizing formations in the (video) game, then I'd get to practice and see them there."

I want a job where playing video games makes me a better employee.

Week 9 picks

A day early (we'll see how bad this effects it):

Jets -3 over BUFFALO
PITTSBURGH Pk'em over Philadelphia
DETROIT -3.5 over Washington
Dallas -1 over CINCINNATI
Oakland +6.5 over CAROLINA
Arizona +3 over MIAMI
Kansas City -3 over TAMPA
Chicago +9 over GIANTS (OVER - 35)
Seattle -7 over SAN FRANCISCO
SAN DIEGO -6.5 over New Orleans
New England -1 over ST. LOUIS
Houston +6.5 over DENVER
Cleveland +6 over BALTIMORE
INDIANAPOLIS -6.5 over Minnesota

Last week (week 6): 10-4
Overall: 39-17-2
Betting $100 on each game (minus $10 for casino/bookie cut): +$1790

Week 6 picks

Let's try it again. As usual, spreads are from the Stardust in Vegas:

Miami +5.5 over BUFFALO

Call it blind optimism. Also, call it a game that I think will be decided by 3 points or less. Over/under for this game is 30. 30. And I still wouldn't touch it.

San Francisco +10 over JETS

It's not that the Niners are that good of a team. It's just that (as I've mentioned earlier) the Jets play to the level of their competition. They're not the type of team that covers spreads, and the Niners will put points on the board if you're not paying attention.

Seattle +3.5 over NEW ENGLAND

Here's the letdown. Seattle was looking forward to this game and past St. Louis (which I was calling, but decided to stay with my first thought), and they ended up losing. This is the game they want, and they can beat New England. I'm not sure if they will, but they can.

PHILADELPHIA -9.5 over Carolina

I changed my mind on this one. I was thinking that with Davis coming back for the Panthers that they'd keep this one close. A TD and a field goal isn't that much of a blowout, and Philly can do that. Last time I didn't change my mind when I wanted to I blew the Seattle/St. Louis game.

Cincinnati +3 over CLEVELAND

Cleveland still isn't that good. Cincinnati's got a few pieces to put together that make them capable of beating good teams. They should be able to beat Cleveland straight up. The 3 points is for home field, otherwise Vegas is seeing these teams as even. I don't.

Green Bay +3 over DETROIT

I'm picking too many underdogs, and I'll pay for it, I'm sure. I honestly don't think Green Bay is that bad, and I don't think Detroit is that good. I think Favre gets pissed off and the Pack score a bunch of points. Sure, Detroit can score some points, but I think Favre will take things into his own hands. Plus, if Ahman Green plays the way he's supposed to, we don't have this conversation.

Washington +1 over CHICAGO

Come on Gibbs. You guys aren't that bad. Arrington wants to come back today. Maybe that'll mean something.

Houston +6.5 over TENNESSEE

What, one game against Green Bay means this team's suddenly the new '99 Rams? McNair still has no one to throw the ball to. Imagine if they still had Eddie George. Could Houston really win 3 straight?

ATLANTA -5.5 over San Diego

Time to sell high with the Chargers. They're reading their clips, and might get a little overconfident. Atlanta came crashing down to earth and if Michael Vick finally figures out this offense, then maybe we'll see something.

Kansas City -2.5 over JACKSONVILLE

Quick! Everyone back on the KC bandwagon! Hurry, it's leaving!

Pittsburgh +3 over DALLAS

Has anyone noticed Pittsburgh lately? Like, they're winning. Seriously winning. The Hamburgler under center for Pittsburgh is doing the job, and then some. Parcells is comparing him to Marino. Hyperbole by the coach to psyche out his opponent, but Pittsburgh is good. Take the over (39) on this one too.

Denver -2.5 over OAKLAND

Oakland is uuuuuuugly. Denver's figured out who their 100 yard rusher's going to be. I think they can manage a field goal victory.

Minnesota -3.5 over NEW ORLEANS

The Saints have burned me two straight weeks. Not this time.

ST. LOUIS -6.5 over Tampa Bay

I'm not basing this on last week. Oh, who am I kidding, of course I am. Tampa still isn't scaring anyone, and St. Louis has the ability to seemingly score points whenever they want.

I’m pretty good at this

After an 11-3-1 week, we're sitting at 19-9-2. That means if you went out and dropped $100 on each pick I told you to make, you'd be up a grand. Well, technically, you'd probably be up like $900, because Vegas usually takes a cut of winnings too, just to keep the odds in their favor.

Anyway, on to the picks:

NEW ENGLAND -13 over Miami

You know, in '85 when the Bears were looking to go undefeated, it was the Dolphins that beat them to protect their record. Now it's Miami defending another record of theirs against a team trying to break it. Plus, 13 points is a LOT of points to give up to a team that has a very good defense and hasn't given up more than 17 points. But that '85 Dolphins team was a very good team (that should have gone to the Super Bowl), and the Dolphins haven't played an offense worth a damn.

PITTSBURGH -6 over Cleveland

I still think Robblerobbleburger is a quality QB, and will do fine. I still think Cleveland is crap. They kind of remind me of Baltimore, except without good defensive players.

INDIANAPOLIS -9.5 over Oakland

I take back what I said about Collins. He looked BAD last week. Maybe he'll get his head back into it and play to near Gannon level. But Indy's going to be Indy and put points upon points on the board. On a side note, the over/under on this game is 52. Holy cow.

Detroit +7 over ATLANTA

I'm getting suckered into this one. Detroit puts points on the board. They just do. Atlanta's d-line's been getting a lot of press, but it's not how Detroit puts points on the board. Plus, Atlanta's not exactly sporting the high-scoring potential (that they should). I see Atlanta winning, but I see Detroit scoring enough meaningless points in the 4th to cover.

NEW ORLEANS -3 over Tampa Bay

The Saints are once again a crapshoot team. Beat a team they shouldn't have beaten two weeks ago, crap the bed on a team everyone else can beat the following week. Tampa's not strong, man. Chris Simms is a good kid, but he's got almost nothing to throw or hand off to. Are there ANY teams in Florida that score touchdowns?

Giants +3.5 over DALLAS

The G-Men are on a roll, and there's no reason to stop picking them now. They're going to lose to good teams and beat the rest this season, and probably coast to 9-7/10-6 range at this rate. They're better than Dallas though, or at least as good. I'll stay on this bandwagon until told otherwise.

Minnesota -4.5 over HOUSTON

A popular sleeper pick. It's funny, because Houston seems to be playing to the level of their competition, while Minnesota seems to underachieve. Will Houston know how to play? Do they play to Minnesota's potential, or do they play to how they've been playing? Does anyone know how good Minnesota is? Yeah, neither do I. But I'll take 'em anyway, and while we're at it, I don't think it'll be THAT much of a blowout, so take the under (a whopping 50).

Buffalo +7 over JETS

Another popular sleeper pick, but I'm biting on this one. The Jets really aren't that good, and their offense generally does enough to beat a team, and not blow one out. The Jets playbook seems to be more concerned with Pennington's completion percentage than scoring actual points. Plus, Buffalo's one of those weird teams that can sneak up and score 24 points for the hell of it. I can't give the Jets 7 points. I just can't.

SAN DIEGO +3 over Jacksonville

Classic matchup. Team that scores a lot and gives up a lot vs. team that can't score and won't let anyone else do it either. Defense usually drags these battles down, but when the score is 3-2, I'll take the extra 3 points. Especially when they're at home.

Carolina +5.5 over DENVER

Ok, defending NFC Champion vs. mediocre AFC team that could start any one of 7 running backs. I know Carolina hasn't been lighting it up or anything, and I know they're playing in Denver, but it's not like it's snowing there... is it?

SEATTLE -7 over St. Louis

Better known as the "passing of the torch" game. All the pieces are into place now for Seattle. It's tough giving up 7 points against St. Louis, but we're not talking yardage here, and St. Louis can't seem to score more than 2 TDs a game. Granted, Miami would kill for that, but that's besides the point. I think Seattle's going to be really pumped for this game. Their letdown might come next week. Oh, they play New England next week? Maybe they continue rolling. Or maybe they drop this one looking forward to next week. Better move on before I change my mind.

Arizona +1 over SAN FRANCISCO

Just because I have to pick Arizona once this season.

(And games like this are why I have Sunday Ticket.)

Baltimore pick'em over WASHINGTON

I've got no faith in Washington anymore. The Cleveland game killed me. I didn't watch it, but apparently Joe Gibbs has to remember how to coach again. I have faith in Joe - he has been away for quite some time, and unlike retired coaches who still watch games and do commentary or over-analyze their old teams from home, Joe was completely involved in something non-football related. Lay off him, it'll come around.

GREEN BAY -3 over Tennessee

This Tennessee team is in trouble. As much as I was willing to write off the Pack last week, I still think that they'll turn it around at Lambeau on Monday night. It's just something Favre and Green Bay does.

Last week: 11-3-1
Season: 19-9-2

Week 4 picks

DIdn't have a bad week last week, but stupid loyality mistakes knocked me out of my losers league and knocked my record down here. Anyway, I'll try not to make these mistakes again. Again, lines are provisded by the Stardust in Vegas, where this type of thing is legal (Home Team in CAPS):

Giants +7 over GREEN BAY

I hate giving the Giants the benefit of the doubt, but the G-Men have been playing well as of late and the Pack haven't done anything to earn a seven point spread over a team that's won two straight under a new coach and new quarterback. Lambeau would mean more if it were December.

Philadelphia -9.5 over CHICAGO

Chicago's got nothing going for them. No quarterback, injuries cropping up everywhere, and the best team in football coming in. I think Chicago's a better team than people are giving them credit for, but not today.

Washington -3 over CLEVELAND

Again, taking a road favorite. Last time I went with Washington, it was a loyality pick. This time, it's just that Cleveland is horrible.

New England -6 over BUFFALO

Man, I'm noticing a trend. But this is pretty much the Philadelphia rule. Best team in the league gets picked until they prove otherwise. Buffalo's one of those teams that could pull it off, but I'm not crazy about Buffalo and their 250 questions in their offense.

Oakland -2.5 over HOUSTON

Geez. I'm going to get screwed on a few of these games. Oakland loses their quarterback, but don't have much of a dropoff with their backup. Collins probably could have won the job outright during preseason, but the loyalty was there, and that's not a bad thing. Norv Turner's running an offense that's putting points on the board, further proving that the problem in Miami lies in that ugly mustache with a headset wrapped around it.

Indianapolis -4 over JACKSONVILLE

This will officially be the make or break for me picking Jacksonville in the future. Tennessee had an excuse. The Colts don't. If they can hold this offense under 10 points, they're my Super Bowl pick this season. For side action, take the under (43), just in case.

PITTSBURGH -4.5 over Cincinnati

I like the new kid in Pittsburgh. Plus, Cincinnati's not really impressing me much. I understand moving to Palmer was necessary for several reasons, but you have to wonder about winning now instead of earning your money.

Atlanta +3.5 over CAROLINA

No, Carolina's not doing much for me this year. I don't think they miss Stephen Davis, but I think they miss Steve Smith a great deal. With a team that has few offensive threats, you can't afford to lose many. Plus, Atlanta's defense is actually playing well.

New Orleans -3.5 over ARIZONA

Hi. Arizona sucks.

Jets -6.5 over MIAMI

Nothing to see here. Move on.

TAMPA BAY +3 over Denver

From a fantasy football standpoint, I'm hoping this is the week that Denver finally realizes that not ANY running back can be their starter, and they go with Tatum Bell. Until then, I think that Tampa might pull this one out, especially at home against a team that isn't scaring anyone.

SAN DIEGO +3 over Tennessee

I don't know if McNair is playing. I don't really care. Team without quarterback and good running back vs. team without quarterback and great running back. I'll take great over good any day.

St. Louis -3.5 over SAN FRANCISCO

Some people are calling this an upset special. As little faith as I have in the Rams, the 49ers just aren't good. They're better than Arizona, but that's not saying much.

Kansas City +5.5 over BALTIMORE

Call me crazy (and you will) but KC's got to snap out of it some time. They're not a 0-16 team. They might not be a 13-3 team again, but they have to snap out of it eventually. Why not on Monday night?

Week 3 overview

Not too bad. If you went with both under/over picks I threw into the regular stuff, you went 9-5-1 going into tonight's Monday night matchup. I'll be conservative and call it 7-5-1.

Even with my horrible attention span, I still managed to watch part of the Steelers/Dolphins game. It was painful. Just seeing the rainstorm told me that the Dolphins didn't stand a chance. Between having a mediocre at best running game and no offensive line, I knew we were dead in the water.

So if you're ever using the picks for Vegas-like gambling, it might be best to ignore the Miami picks. There's a little too much emotion in them.

Week 3 picks

Quick picks for this weeks NFL (w/spreads, thanks to the Stardust in Vegas, home team in CAPS):

TENNESSEE -6 over Jacksonville

I'm still not a believer in the Jaguars. Defense is nice, and some people are calling them the new Panthers, but teams that don't score touchdowns don't win. Plus, I'm expecting a big day from Chris Brown, regardless of what the people say about the Jags defense.

Cleveland +3.5 over GIANTS

The Giants seriously lucked out over the Redskins last week. They got 7 turnovers from the Skins due to Washington errors, not Giant skill. Cleveland's coming off a bad loss, but there's still talent in this team.

Baltimore -2.5 over CINCINNATI

Tough to take a road dog especially with a team that can't score themselves, but mediocre quarterbacks cancel themselves out. Palmer couldn't handle Miami's defense last week, he's shit the bed against Ray Lewis. Take the under (34.5) if you happen to be around it too.

Houston +7.5 over KANSAS CITY

Ok, you've had injuries to your two top wide receivers, your all-offense running back isn't playing this week, and your defense is giving up 31 points a game. Yet, you're a touchdown favorite over a team that some were calling a sleeper pick to get the wild card this year. Chiefs have to earn my respect back.

New Orleans +6.5 over ST. LOUIS

Just something about that team that I don't like (meaning the Rams). I don't think the Saints are going to necessarily win the game, although I think the loss of Deuce McAllister isn't going to hurt them as much as some would think. New Orleans has too many passing options. The over/under is 47.5, I'd consider taking the over too, but that's not a strong bet.

MINNESOTA -11 over Chicago

No respect given to a team that flat out beat Green Bay at Lambeau. I understand why - the Bears just aren't that good. Someone's going to figure out Thomas Jones eventually. Minnesota's pissed off going into this game - they felt like they should have beaten Philadelphia.

Philadelphia -5.5 over DETROIT

Nope. Not a believer here either. I think Detroit's going to be a quality 8-8 team this year. It's just that I think Philadelphia's going to be a 13-3 team. This has the potential of being an upset, but not this early in the season. These same two teams playing in week 8 or 9, I'd pick the Lions.

ATLANTA -10 over Arizona

That's a lot of points to give up for Atlanta, but considering Arizona's averaging 11 points a game, I think the Falcons should be able to put three TDs on the board. They're not playing bad defense either.

San Diego +10 over DENVER

I think the Chargers could flat out win this game, let alone giving me 10 points. Denver hasn't impressed me in the slightest, and Quentin Griffin and Jake Plummer aren't scaring anybody. Plus, you've got LT in the backfield for the Bolts. Upset special, my friends.

INDIANAPOLIS -6.5 over Green Bay

You have to add a point or three for home teams playing in a dome. As long as they have fans that get on their feet and behind the team, you've got a definate advantage. This only works if you have the fans. Arizona gets a dome, it's not working. Indy's got too many weapons, and they're still trying to prove their the best team in the AFC. Green Bay's a 9-7 team at best.

SEATTLE -10 over San Francisco

In contrast, I don't see the Seahawks as getting too much of a boost from their home crowd. Doesn't matter. This one was almost picked the other way, but again, I think it's too early to go against Seattle. Week 8, I'm picking the Niners. Here, it's the Seahawks.

OAKLAND -3.5 over Tampa Bay

Hurry up, get off soon, the Tampa bandwagon's going down in flames. It's what happens when you can't score ANY touchdowns. Seriously, the Bucs haven't scored an offensive touchdown this season. Oakland's got a high risk offense, and if you ignored Rich Gannon's 2003 season, you'd be expecting a huge game from him. Oakland's going to throw the ball a LOT. WHy the hell didn't Norv Turner try this with Miami?

MIAMI -1.5 over Pittsburgh

No, I don't know why. Just a hunch. Maybe this is the game Miami figures out what to do with their offense. Maybe they figure out something that works. Pittsburgh shouldn't be able to score too many times, so it might be the Dolphins defense that does the scoring for them. Or, maybe... just maybe they'll try throwing the ball. We'll see.

WASHINGTON -1.5 over Dallas

My loser pool pick. It's really a coin flip game, but I think the Skins pull this one out. At least they can develop a running game. I'm starting to realize that if Ricky Williams had announced his retirement two weeks earlier and Eddie George signed with the Dolphins, it wouldn't have made a difference.